Respect Authority

Some of us spent enough of their college tenures puffing wacky tobacky and wasting entire afternoons in front of Halo to know what the true addictive substance in that equation is. And when video game addicts hit rock bottom, it’s uglier than an episode of Intervention.

Granted, plenty of people are addicted to other forms of technology, be it schlock like American Idol, Twitter, or playing 30-second-ringtones of rap singles over and over again in a crowded subway car. However, I’ve never once seen somebody have their Facebook account closed and decide that sticking a remote up their ass is an appropriate response.

You may cry “fake” on this one… but it’s a really hard call. This child’s special breed of deranged so gracefully walks the line between melodramatic overcompensation and maladjusted-pizzaface-suffering-from-hysteria that one thing is for certain anyway. He’s clearly spent enough time in World of Warcraft to learn the agility of an elf. To say nothing of the typical Legolas-league homoerotic undertones.

Seriously, he literally emerges from the closet and then decides to take the plunge into DirectTV related sodomy? I’m not sure anyone could write something that perfect, but if so, we’re looking at a future nominee for Best Screenplay.