Respect Authority

Okay, this is getting out of control. No… it’s gotten out of control. We should have never allowed this to happen, hell, to encourage it. So yes, we deserve this… just as we will deserve getting our brains bored out by android gray matter collectors.

To be clear, I’m speaking about the ol’ FB. Indeed, last night, my helpful news feed alerted me as to this… development. This was someone’s real, actual status update. For all to see. For FB to remember forever.

Additionally, certain sections of the following text will be in bold type; this is because they made me cringe and thank skateboarding and sex for finding me before it ever got this bad.

1) I feel that Final Fantasy X is the best game overall in that they have seven well-developed characters and a battle system designed well enough to need all of them. Whereas in other games of the series I would stick with one primary party, the dynamic “hot-swap” was both necessary and pleasing. The story is the game’s largest asset, hardly breaking from the serious, morbid nature while maintaining great instances of foreshadowing. This also has one of the few final bosses that I actually lost against initially. I would also say that this has the second best ending I’ve ever seen. Finally, this is one of the few RPGs I’ve seen recently where the antagonist is introduced early and often, allowing the story to develop it well.

2) Chrono Cross is one of the few games with branching stories, with two moments in the game where you can choose 3 or 3 paths, respectively. Characters are a weakness and strength, as the characters they choose to develop are great and conflicted yet there are too many Suikoden-like fill-ins. Other strengths for the game include the secret way to beat it (can’t say any more than that) and the extended concert scene, which demonstrates that an RPG is about more than battling.

3) The game that single-handledly saved the genre, Final Fantasy VII had a great story, great characters and one of the most scarring moments of my life. This used to be #1 for a long time, but it earns penalty points for introducing the frequent minigames habit that would ruin the series for several games (and perhaps still does). To many, including myself, VIncent is the best optional character in any RPG. The soundtrack is both famous and outstanding, which really enhances the mood of several scenes. This game has held up well over time, despite the confusion that Cloud’s past has created

4) Tales of Symphonia has my favorite optional scene ever, one which dramatically changes the perception of a main character and gives new understanding to several scenes of intrigue that occurred previously

Dude knows his video games, that’s fo’ sho’. And don’t worry man, I lost initially to the boss in FFX too - NOT PLEASING.

Thanks to the Nintendo Wii, children no longer need to go outside in order to play sports or senselessly beat on giant cartoon gorillas. They can now do it from the comfort of the couch. And as the years pass, technology will continue to provide us with wonderful new reasons to stay inside, overstimulated eyes fixed to a screen while the muscles in our limbs atrophy (except, of course, those needed to click a remote or dig around in the bag of Cheetos). Obviously, a necessary step on the part of the machines in order to better rise up against and enslave their human masters.

However, with a newly sprained ankle and that little fucker Punxsutawney Phil using his evil groundhog magic to make another six weeks of winter, I have to admit Touchgrind for the iPhone looks pretty fucking awesome, even though every fiber of my being is begging me to realize it was made by dorks for dorks. Nonetheless, while playing with Tech Decks at 23 is about as respectable as eating one’s boogers, this, on the other hand, is probably my newest excuse to never read a book on the subway again. And think about how cool I’ll look doing it!

Plus, the commercial’s soundtrack is sooo awesome, that’s like, totally what I listen to when I skate. Rock music, yeah!! Drugs!!!