Respect Authority

If someone were to approach me on the street and say “Hey Kira, who do you think are the country’s most successful businessmen?” (these things happen), I might falter in my response. In a panicked moment, I might accidentally say recently-ousted Lehman Brothers CEO Richard Fuld, or you know, that Enron guy. But not until after maybe seven shots of tequila would 50 Cent even begin to cross my mind.

This is why discovering that 50 Cent will soon have a show on MTV, where business-savvy contestants compete for a shot at fame and “huge cash prize” is a complete mindfuck for me. Does Michael Jordan have a show where he teaches aspiring athletes how to play football? Does Kid Rock judge a competition for actually talented musicians?

Perhaps even more ludicrous is that the contestants won’t be competing for the opportunity to work with 50 Cent, but rather each will come to the table with their own business idea, which the $100,000 prize will help the winner pay for. I could maybe see the idea of desperate wannabes duking it out for the mere chance of fetching 50’s coffee (see: I Want To Work For Diddy) but having the rapper judge entrepreneurs on their startup know-how is ridiculous. Exactly what genius business concept did 50 Cent develop and bring to fruition? Getting shot nine times? Riding on Eminem’s coattails? Rapping without fully opening your mouth? I have a sneaking suspicion his ascension had as much to do with sheer luck as entrepreneurial acumen.

I suppose there is something to be said for the fact that he has a show at all, which is consequently starting up around the same time his latest album is released, as will be his new (co-written, which in the world of celebrity means ghost-written) book. But I still can’t imagine what gems of wisdom the world’s future business leaders expect to get from someone who’s songs include “Magic Stick.”