Respect Authority

Only Spencer Pratt would have another friend named Spencer.

The guitarist for stupidly named “The White Tie Affair” sure is lucky MTV was willing to pull a few synergy strings to get his band magically featured on an episode of The Hills this week — how convenient that Audrina’s employer, which does something with music or modeling or events or something, just happened to be filming a video for the band, and Stephanie just happened to run into the guitarist — who by the by, just happened to invite her out for drinks before revealing he lives with his girlfriend. Who Stephanie later called a “live-in girlfriend,” as though she stays home and bakes her guitarist beau cookies until he comes back from “the road” to let her out back for a bathroom break. 

I just happen to think dear sweet Sean looks an awful lot like a mythical creation of yore–he’s about as smart too.

There are so many things wrong with this picture. 

The Hills has, as of late, skillfully weaseled its way back into my life, with promises of drama as heightened as Heidi Montag’s enormous weave. While the beauty of DVR means I don’t have to consciously check in to the show every Monday night at 10 p.m., even casual after-the-fact viewings induce in me all manner of adult shame. My sentiments can in fact be summed up by one scene in this past week’s episode, when Heidi and Spencer visit a couples therapist to hug it out with respect to their spiraling relationship, as of late held together by glue, tape and the fact that they’re on the same television show. After relaying to the therapist their multi-day back-and-forth over whether Spencer did or did not flirt with bartender Stacie, as per a text message sent from his sister’s ex-boyfriend, who happened to be in the same bar and started a massive game of Telephone 2.0 that ended with Spencer punching him in the face, the therapist gave a dramatic pause and said “You know, this all sounds really high school.” 

Indeed, woman who accepted money to counsel, on national television, two moronic 20-somethings on the future of their completely ludicrous faux-marriage relationship. It does sound really high school. Which is simultaneously why I fucking hate this show, and yet can’t quite tear my eyes away.   Read More ›