Respect Authority

As one gets older, it’s important to regularly make an effort to keep any kind of “maturation” at bay. And that’s why I get my entire body waxed every three weeks. …Well, actually, that’s not the only reason why, but we’ll talk about that some other time.

Anyway, here’s some material to help keep you firmly lodged in the mire of perpetual immaturity. Although, I don’t really anticipate you needing very much of an excuse to laugh at stupidity made manifest right now, considering it’s OMG 4:20 on 4/20 I THINK MY MIND JUST BLEW UP FROM HIGHNESS DUDEZ

Admittedly, nothing can warm my flash-frozen charcoal heart more than obnoxious kids getting what’s coming to them. Except for money. Oh… and, of course, water parks:

Seriously, where can I get a ticket, and, more importantly, is there a discount if I bring a can of Coke?

Apparently it’s “Have Fun At Unfortunate Children’s Expense Day” at Respect Authority. Oh, wait, it is April 20th after all, and I mean, I still can’t stop laughing about how my little brother drowned because I left him alone in the pool so I could smoke blunts all day.