Respect Authority

So we’ve all been waiting, and now it’s finally finally here. Indeed, the trial for Tyra Banks’ homeless stalker is underway!

This Georgia native apparently sent flowers and cards, along with a phone number at which he might be reached, to the set of Tyra’s show. Although his lawyer claims he was litle more than an overzealous fan with aspirations of being on the show (in audience or guest form), Tyra felt threatened by said stalker’s claims that they knew one another, had had or were in the midst of a relationship, and would likely marry and have children. You know, normal fan stuff.

What’s great about this entire story is that based on everything I’ve ever seen or heard from Tyra Banks (in the interest of full disclosure, I’ll clarify that about 75% of this knowledge is gleaned from choice clips played on The Soup), the idea of NOT being wanted, loved and obsessed over 24 hours a day is anathema to the self-obsessed supermodel. Nor would I begrudge any Tyra fan the misconception that she would love nothing more than a steady stream of flowers, notes, and proclamations of adoration. But I guess assuming she would drop everything and indulge the fantasies of a deranged fanatic is a bit too idealistic - a little like Tracy Morgan’s erstwhile Woodrow SNL character, who lured lovely celebrities into his sewer home to serenade them with nonsensical love songs.

I’m also frankly a little surprised that Tyra Banks is finding herself stalked these days. Although she’s unquestionably attactive, in another decade, I wouldn’t be surprised to see her looking pretty average, and with a forehead-to-hair ratio of 90/10.

At least he didn’t kill anyone in her name. I’m pretty sure that would make me give up on America altogether.

"I'll find you."

I know this is about 12 years too late, but has anyone else ever really listened to the lyrics of Mariah Carey’s 1996 hit, “Always Be My Baby.” I mean, REALLY listened. One would think so, considering everyone and their mother - and potentially their mother’s mother - knows the words to this song. I certainly know them, and I consider that knowledge imperative to a surprisingly large number of social situations - throwback parties, weddings, long nights alone in my apartment. As far as I’m concerned, anyone under the age of 40 should be prepared to belt out ABMB at the drop of a hat. 

In any case, this morning on my way to work, I took some time - afforded to me by the fact that the train was so packed I couldn’t move my arms to change the song - to really have a listen to the words. Although the majority of the song is clearly about love, and everlasting love, and so forth, it’s this particular verse that gave me pause:

You’ll always be a part of me
I’m a part of you indefinitely
Boy don’t you know you can’t escape me
Oh darling cause you’ll always be my baby
….
No way you’re never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you’ll always be my baby

Creepy to anyone else? I know word on the street is that Mariah and Nick Cannon are doing exceedingly well which, considering I thought they’d be divorced before leaving the island they got married on, could simply mean they haven’t actively killed each other yet. Nonetheless, Cannon better not start wild ‘n out or anything, because it kind of sounds like Mariah doesn’t know how to let go.