Respect Authority

Ever since last year, when I made my first attempt at watching Shia LaBeouf flirt with women way out of his league in Transformers, I have had a vehement hatred for the movie which was, among other things, poorly acted and exceedingly melodramatic.

I’ve always understood that there’s an element of superhero tales, and Transformers in particular, that I will never understand or appreciate – I was, after all, never a 13-year-old boy. And even though the social issues brought up by X-Men, or the chiseled abs highlighted in Batman, had enough universal appeal to cross gender lines, Transformers was a distinctly male show. (This is the point at which indignant females will insist that they watched, and loved Transformers. To which I say, shut up and stop lying). The concept, after all, is a veritable orgy of adolescent male favorites – good guys and bad guys, cars, trucks and giant robots. Throw in a cowboy and some astronauts and the sheer perfection would emotionally stunt boys the world over.

So it was with trepidation that I even approached the film in the first place. After all, I have no real nostalgia for Transformers and until Optimus Prime t-shirts re-entered pop culture as go-to apparel for endearingly nerdy 20-somethings, I barely had any idea what to expect, save a lot of metal and…gears and stuff.

Yet despite my initial rejection of the movie – and subsequent refusal to accept anyone else’s opinion on the matter – I took it upon myself to give the whole thing another go this week. Last night I sat down with some warm soup, cold beer and a bowl of …“Cheerios,” turned the lights off and settled in for some intense robot-on-robot action. (I’m talking about fighting, jeez). After all, my neighbors have been playing an ancient Mary J. Blige CD on repeat for weeks, at an absurd volume, so two hours of gunshots and screeching steel seemed a fair auditory rebuttal.
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It’s taken awhile, and no small sacrifice of dignity, to admit that Shia LaBeouf is an up-and-comer, if not an already-came-and-doing-so-well-it-defies-all-logic-er. When the one-time Disney star nailed a leading role in Disturbia, wherein he churned out sarcastic one-liners and got to kiss a girl way out of his league, we at RA realized this pint-sized goofball was a force to be reckoned with. While the shock of seeing nearly-geriatric Harrison Ford duke it out with Commies made Indiana Jones a Shia sleeper, the 22-year-old’s reappearance as leading man in Eagle Eye meant LaBeouf was back in the saddle. Unfortunately for him, the action thriller, whose budget could no doubt feed a small country, lost out in the box office this weekend to, I shit you not, Beverly Hills Chihuahua.

Given that particularly embarrassing coup, perhaps its time to put Even Stevens’ quip-master back in his place. For this Dumb or Dumber, RA toiled away on a line-by-line comparison between Shia and original sarcasm-purveyor Justin Long, who would probably be on welfare right now if it wasn’t for Apple. Read More ›