Respect Authority

Should you ever donate a kidney to a family member in need, worry not – you can sue to get that shit back.

Perhaps not the kidney itself, but a New York doctor this week demanded that his estranged wife pay him a whopping $1.5 million in compensation for the kidney he gave her when their marriage was still rosy. Dr. Richard Batista’s wife filed for divorce in 2005 after five years of marriage and negotiations are ongoing. He claims she had an affair, and she – well she’s had three kidney transplants so it’s hard not to throw the sympathy vote that way. Moreover, the two have three kids.

At first glance this struck me as absurd – you donate a kidney, it’s gone, the same way I don’t call up homeless drunks asking for my three dented cans of corn back. The misappropriation of charitable giving is a part of life, even when it comes to organs; think of the lung transplant survivors found sneaking cigarettes out by the dumpster.

But kidney transplants are expensive (though perhaps not $1.5 million) and I can’t say I wouldn’t be more than miffed if one of my blood-regulating golden geese were wasted on a cheating spouse. My vote is for Batista to bypass the whole legal process – in turn doing his part to lessen the overall ridiculous plethora of stupid lawsuits in this country – by demanding not financial restitution but anatomical payback.

Former Mrs. Batista owes the guy a foot, or at least a boob.