Respect Authority

Short on cash? Make your dress out of twigs and shit.

The recession has caused all manner of American hardship: lost houses, lost jobs, lost college educations. But all of that bad news pales in comparison to the real heartbreaker: prom.

The New York Times reports today that teens throughout the country are contemplating whether it’s worth it to attend their high school proms this year, given the event’s high costs and their parents deflating job security. Some are foregoing must-haves like a $400 dress, while others are opting not to get their hair professionally styled. Still more are offsetting their parents’ prom contribution by working part-time jobs. 

Really recession, now you’ve just gone too far. It’s one thing to take away people’s income and ability to pay for food and childcare, but eliminating their chance to pay $5 per bobby pin to have their hair put in some labyrinthian coif held together by hairspray and superglue? Forcing near-adults, just a few years shy of living in the “real world,” to work part-time at local retailers in an effort to help foot their $1,000 prom bill? Well that’s just cold. 

Worry not, dear readers. Despite its doom and gloom introduction, the Times goes on to say that there has been negligible slowdown in the lucrative prom business. Party buses are still being booked by the dozen and most dress designers say there are still plenty of girls out there spending $500 on a gown. Morevoer, guys are complementing their rented tuxes with “more accessories, like hats.”

Thank God. No one wants a federal bailout of the men’s prom hat business.