Respect Authority

Despite the fact that the company just leveraged its brand new headquarters to raise capital, the New York Times Co., parent of the eponymous newspaper, is still finding time to taunt us with an attention to detail that implies real to-the-bone layoffs have yet to truly affect the Grey Lady. 

Indeed, this week the NYT posted on its Web site an article titled “Speak, O Muse, of Fallen 401(k)s and Malignant Mortgages,” a compilation of reader-submitted poems about the economic downturn. No, I’m not kidding. Shockingly, and perhaps a testament to the fact that no one reads the Times for its poetry beat, only about 100 readers responded. Here are some choice excerpts, which vary from the smug to downright bitter: 

Those of us who’ve lost it all, 
Thought not about the cost at all.
Those of us who are content,
Gave thought to every single cent.
John Duvall, Hastings-on-Hudson, NY

(Apparently not part of any company-designated and uncontrollable 401(k) plan that invested in now-deteriorating mutual funds, thus costing said plan holder hundreds of thousands of dollars in retirement money through no fault of their own). Read More ›

You should learn to skateboard.
It is cheap and fun.
It is something you can do when you are alone
or with friends.
Once you learn, you can hang out late at night in parking lots for hours and hours
(and you don’t even have to be high).
Also you can talk to others about skateboarding
and it will make them think you are cool
and they will give you things
like free stickers, or invitations to parties
with lots of guys at them.

If you get good
you can jump over all sorts of things
like cars, and European streets, and statues, and off small buildings.
and people will take pictures of you
which is nice (for later, to show your kids).

If you get really good,
maybe someone will pay you
to take pictures, and make videos of you jumping off all sorts of crap
and they will put you on billboards
and benches where homeless people sleep
and your name will be on thousands of pairs of shoes.
Maybe you will have a video game with you in it
or a TV show where you shoot your friends with weapons.

Or maybe not.

Maybe you will just keep doing it and no one will really care how good you are
and you will just use your skateboard to ride down the street
to buy some beer
when your “old lady” takes off with the car.

It’s up to you I guess.
Like anything else.

But you should definitely learn.
It will be worth it
in the long run.

I promise.

— Dallas Clayton