Respect Authority

Okay, this is getting out of control. No… it’s gotten out of control. We should have never allowed this to happen, hell, to encourage it. So yes, we deserve this… just as we will deserve getting our brains bored out by android gray matter collectors.

To be clear, I’m speaking about the ol’ FB. Indeed, last night, my helpful news feed alerted me as to this… development. This was someone’s real, actual status update. For all to see. For FB to remember forever.

Additionally, certain sections of the following text will be in bold type; this is because they made me cringe and thank skateboarding and sex for finding me before it ever got this bad.

1) I feel that Final Fantasy X is the best game overall in that they have seven well-developed characters and a battle system designed well enough to need all of them. Whereas in other games of the series I would stick with one primary party, the dynamic “hot-swap” was both necessary and pleasing. The story is the game’s largest asset, hardly breaking from the serious, morbid nature while maintaining great instances of foreshadowing. This also has one of the few final bosses that I actually lost against initially. I would also say that this has the second best ending I’ve ever seen. Finally, this is one of the few RPGs I’ve seen recently where the antagonist is introduced early and often, allowing the story to develop it well.

2) Chrono Cross is one of the few games with branching stories, with two moments in the game where you can choose 3 or 3 paths, respectively. Characters are a weakness and strength, as the characters they choose to develop are great and conflicted yet there are too many Suikoden-like fill-ins. Other strengths for the game include the secret way to beat it (can’t say any more than that) and the extended concert scene, which demonstrates that an RPG is about more than battling.

3) The game that single-handledly saved the genre, Final Fantasy VII had a great story, great characters and one of the most scarring moments of my life. This used to be #1 for a long time, but it earns penalty points for introducing the frequent minigames habit that would ruin the series for several games (and perhaps still does). To many, including myself, VIncent is the best optional character in any RPG. The soundtrack is both famous and outstanding, which really enhances the mood of several scenes. This game has held up well over time, despite the confusion that Cloud’s past has created

4) Tales of Symphonia has my favorite optional scene ever, one which dramatically changes the perception of a main character and gives new understanding to several scenes of intrigue that occurred previously

Dude knows his video games, that’s fo’ sho’. And don’t worry man, I lost initially to the boss in FFX too - NOT PLEASING.

Nerds, that’s who.

So, if you’re not a nerd and have never been a nerd, Zack Snyder’s cinematic adaptation of the legendary graphic novel Watchmen is probably about as compelling a reason to head to theaters as Bride Wars or Hotel For Dogs is for people who, in high school, decided not to trade their precious gray matter for a treasured appointment as “the one kind of ugly and loserish cheerleader who wants so badly to be popular she’s willing to overlook that a year ago all the other cheerleaders used to throw gum in her hair (and still do actually)”.

On the other hand, while I have successfully been able to trick people into thinking I’m cool for years simply by wearing tight pants and swearing a lot, I am, nonetheless, officially changing my birthday to Watchmen’s release date of March 6th. You see, deep down, I am a nerd. That admission may sound shocking but come on, I wear prescription glasses, it’s a sure sign. Oh yeah, and I also have Hello Kitty posters in my bedroom.

This new viral video disguised as an insidious government PSA describes some of the background events leading up to the events of Watchmen, but for those dedicated, zit-faced few who already know the back story it’s merely an entertaining diversion. We were going to see the movie anyway, but I mean… good work giving some underpaid videographer something to do — way to stimulate the economy, guys! You’re the real superheroes!

The thing is, the flurry of promotional materials for this movie seems gratuitous at best, and utterly in vain at worst. Maybe it’s merely a generous handout to ravenous fans ready to jizz long strands of Batman grappling hooks in anticipation, but if it’s an actual attempt to garner hype for the film outside of its niché demographic, the producers must be delusional fools who’ve spent too much time in the proverbial world of Warcraft to remember that here on Earth, most people think comic books are for the people they spent their teenage years beating up. Indeed, unfortunate as it may be, it seems the average citizen would rather participate in dumb jock hobbies like, you know, having an awesome time drinking all night with their friends or enjoying noncommittal sex with incredibly attractive people. Yeah, I don’t get it either.