Respect Authority

Hey, it beats whatever stupidity Joaquin “My Beard Smells Like A Bum Toilet” Phoenix and the Affleck with actual talent are up to.

Yesterday I had a staggering celebrity look-alike revelation, and I think you’ll agree that US Weekly’s utter lack of coverage about this speaks more of their weakness than their kindness.

It’s not just me, right? I mean, obviously the comparison goes beyond the fact that they’re both supposed to be black men.

Getting in your car everyday is statistically one of the most dangerous things you can do, and that’s without all kinds of animals on the road.

That’s a shot from a traffic camera in Bayreuth, Germany, where Muppet Show star and generally insane drummer of Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem band, Animal, has been spending his retirement endangering the lives of countless Nazi descendants in a British Audi A4 Avant.

The car has repeatedly been caught speeding on camera, and German authorities are currently conducting an investigation with the aim of returning Animal to the shackles attached to his drum set he has so long called his home. If he were capable of calling his home anything other than a handful of guttural shouts and grunts, that is. When reporters questioned Animal as to his motives, he responded with, naturally, a handful of guttural shouts and grunts.

Honestly, an article about a Muppet terrorizing the German country side in an Audi A4 sounds like half viral marketing, half my weekend, but as it turns out, the story is, in fact, a great example of sticking it to der mann. Although the cameras have caught the car’s license plate, German law prevents police from issuing tickets unless they have clear proof of who is driving. Because German speed cameras are set up for left-hand drive vehicles, and the car is a British model, the cameras keep missing a clear shot of the actual driver’s face, instead capturing the Muppet purposely placed in the passenger’s seat, infuriating authorities and amusing literally everyone else.

Muppet spokesman, Kermit T. Frog, has been conveniently unavailable for questioning. And while German police are busy twiddling their frankfurts, the beloved amphibian and unabashed pig-fucker is also coincidentally one point away from having his license suspended, after racking up a series of tickets for driving without shoes. Looks like the Krauts are having some trouble making that rainbow connection.

[Daily Star]