Respect Authority

"Wait, this moves?"

Whenever I begin to regain faith in America’s legal system, it vomits up something like this.

A Queens woman (of course) is suing Johnny Utah’s restaurant in Rockefeller Center for “assault and battery” after she was tossed off the Western-themed establishment’s mechanical bull. …I couldn’t even make this stuff up.

Rachel Love’s lawsuit claims the restaurant allowed “an inebriated individual” to ride the bull, and that the bull’s operator sped up the ride when she was on it, effectively making it more violent in an effort to throw her off. Her lawsuit doesn’t detail her injuries (which must be devastating considering this happened in January), but it does seek unspecified damages.

Heads up Rachel: I’m fairly certain the entire premise of the mechanical bull ride is being thrown off, otherwise you’d be making a public spectacle of yourself simply to mount a slowly-gyrating ottoman, which sounds an awful lot like stripping. Whichever employee sped the ride up to eject you deserves a raise — for doing his fucking job. Objecting to being thrown off a mechanical bull is like suing a swimming pool because you got wet.
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