Respect Authority

So it’s getting down to the nitty gritty on MTV’s Real World/Road Rules Duel 2, meaning the only people left are guys on steroids and the girls fortunate enough to be partnered with them. Although this season has been lackluster in terms of competition—the method for choosing who goes into the duel is as much a popularity contest as anything else, and Landon wins every fucking challenge anyway—there’s been a good amount of drama: CT assaulted Adam on day one, Rachel and Jen rekindled a flame ignited in prior challenges, much to the chagrin of Aneesa, who has apparently been hung up on Rachel for nearly a decade. And Brad and Tory are engaged, which isn’t really dramatic (until next week’s episode!) so much as just…weird. Oh, and MJ’s got a child at home, whose college he’s trying to pay for, an altruistic goal he never lets a single cast member (or us as the audience) forget. 

But the real standout this season is Evan, who reminds me of Chunk from The Goonies, if Chunk started weight-lifting in middle school to regain semblance of self-esteem. Indeed, Evan’s “I was at one point in my life fat, a loser or a fat loser” attitude come across as insecurity and paranoia, wrapped in Muscle Milk packaging. Sitting alongside “I’ve tripled in size since my season of the Real World,” Landon, “I’m not always surprised, my eyes are really just this big” Brad and “I’m 37 and still doing challenges” Mark, Evan’s discomfort is palpable — he knows he’s the next kid out in dodgeball, and so do we. 

Which is why it was kind of hilarious to see Evan’s reading material of choice this week - despite MTV’s bizarre and unnecessary attempt to block out the title. Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman’s Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia isn’t exactly the stuff of champions - unless we’re talking about a quilt-making championship, or …a tournament of feelings. Perhaps Evan might be better served by more masculine literature.  Some suggestions? Tucker Max’s I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell,  Maddox’s The Alphabet of Manliness, or Neil Strauss’ The Game. At the very least it would make him look like slightly less of a pussy when he’s laying in bed whining about the woes of the duel.