Respect Authority

The man featured in the segment below is quite possibly a psychopath, or at the very least went a little crazy… and probably a little racist too, as a result of his very own, real life late summer blockbuster action-thriller. But the thing is, he’s been shot at least as many times as 50 Cent, he shot several aspiring gangstaz, one of them in the face (incidentally, that was the one that didn’t die), yet he is still alive. In the end, I’m afraid that’s really all that counts in this post-Mad Max Beyond The Thunderdome world. I present to you a wild case of extreme self defense that just barely hovers below vigilantism. I present to you Lance Thomas, the fastest gun in the West.

Come on, even his name sounds like a cowboy’s. Sure, he probably should have just moved his shop to a place where there’s some semblance of law and order so he wouldn’t have to kill someone every six months, but ultimately, this is the story of an aging, ordinary watchmaker who was pushed to his limits and stood his ground. It’s almost too good to be true. Get this guy a movie deal already.

It’s inspiring in a way; one, because he’s pretty fucking badass despite his cold, calculating, scary type of thing going on… and two, because he got shot in the neck on two separate occasions and lived. And I guess that’s actually just a manifestation of being badass. But honestly, who cares? It’s god damned incredible. Plus, it’s this combination of quick wits and a dash of moral absolutism — oh, and also a whole bunch of guns — that’s going to keep us out of the FEMA concentration camps.