Respect Authority

I’ll start right now by saying this post is hard for me to write. Primarily because I inserted the picture way too soon and am now forced to look away every few minutes just to keep myself from vomiting discreetly into my lap. 

A Korean woman, apparently addicted to both plastic surgery and idiotic life choices, was hospitalized after injecting herself with cooking oil in a bizarre attempt to look younger. Hang Mioku, now 48, had multiple operations on her increasingly disfigured face until her surgeon eventually refused to carry out any more procedures, at which point she took mattters into her own hands. 

After going unrecognized by her parents, and exhausting yet another doctor’s supply of both patience and silicone, Mioku started up the self-performed cooking oil procedures. 250 grams later, the women started to realize her mistake and a series of TV appearances prompted viewers to donate enough money to help her remove the substance. But she probably still has to stay away from stoves. 

Seriously Korea, what the fuck. I fail to see even a remnant of logic once considered in this woman’s decisions, or why any medical professional let it get to this point. Listen, I know you own all of the cheap nail and hair salons in New York City, and I know you can thread eyebrows like it’s nobody’s business, but that does not make it okay to take the world of cosmetology innovation by storm. And especially not with products typically found in the kitchen.

Want to watch the latest Harry Potter movie at home like, two whole weeks before it comes out on DVD? Go to Korea.

Kim watches his favorite movies in the buff.

Warner Bros. said Wednesday it plans to become the first Hollywood Studio to make movies available through video-on-demand two weeks before their DVD release in Korea. The goal is to take “full advantage of Korea’s extraordinary digital infrastructure,” and obviously for Warner, to make dolla’ dolla’ bills. (Or I guess in Korea, dolla’ dolla’ won).

Indeed, Korea is pretty super-duper tech savvy. Approximately 94% of households there have broadband connections, and more than 47% of people surveyed say they’ve downloaded a movie from the Internet at least once (no word on the porn-to-non-porn ratio, sadly). They also own nuclear weapons, and have so totally made technology their bitch that the country plans to fund a tech center in South Africa, which is a pointless gesture if I ever saw one.

Here’s my question: If Koreans love movies so much, why do they keep trying to sell theirs to me at the laundromat?