Respect Authority

It’s unfortunate that this post will come directly after the preceding one, but rest assured – Respect Authority is a long way’s off from becoming a blog about Jon & Kate Plus 8. Primarily because I never intend to watch the show again.

Indeed, out of some bizarre loyalty to the reality television genre, and certainly no small amount of schadenfreude, I ended up watching last night’s much-anticipated episode of J&K, during which the couple announced their equally expected and imminent divorce. Or separation. Or whatever it is when mommy and daddy don’t love each other anymore but of course they love you and none of it is your fault—except the part where you took over their lives and demanded nonstop attention, thereby tearing apart the very fabric of their relationship and making it difficult, if not impossible, for them to continue having a normal existence.

This is the thing about Jon & Kate—which, outside of the occasional clip on The Soup, I haven’t actually seen before: it’s primarily about children, and it’s fairly boring. And these, my friends, are two very good reasons why I plan to never catch another episode, but also spent 20 minutes last night in reality-induced tears.

I started watching with the intention of writing a scathing “review” today—about the show, about what it means for where reality TV is headed, about the dangers and ills of exploiting children to make a quick buck. I also had tentative plans to make fun of Kate’s hair. But after sitting through an entire hour of it, the awkward interviews, the candid footage of the kids playing, the surprisingly raw, yet consistently cryptic, confessions of both Jon and Kate, I’m mostly just sad. My notes, which started with things like “kids ruin lives” and “Jon seems like he’s high on painkillers,” grew into whimsical paragraphs about the strain of marriage, the tragedy of falling out of love, the process of divorce. Read More ›

As everyone who cares reported today, Jon and Kate Gosselin, stars of TLC reality show Jon & Kate Plus 8, will announce a major decision on an episode of the show to be aired Monday. Although the d-word is on the tip of everyone’s tongue, RA would like to hazard a few guesses as to what the notoriously open couple might choose to reveal on their reality TV program next. Based on our speculation, here are some potential new titles for the show’s sixth season:

10. Jon & Kate Plus 9

9. Jon & Kate Plus Abortion

8. Jon & Octomom Plus 22

7. Survivor: Gosselin Family

6. Jon & Kate Is Actually A Lesbian

5. Jon & Rampant Alcoholism

4. Jon & Kate Admit They Kidnapped Those Kids

3. Jon & Kate Go To White Castle

2. Jon & Kate Fire Kate’s Hair Stylist

1. Jon & Kate: Special Victims Unit