Respect Authority

Imagine a possible scenario in the not so distant future…

The year is 2010. The month is August. It’s a Maverday like any other Maverday in the McCain presidency (Maverday being McCain’s idea to fix the economy by adding an 8th day to every week). Recently, America set a record for having the highest population of babies in the military thanks to abortion being banned and the draft being reinstated.

Under the new law, all former abortion-eligible babies (which is what they prefer to be called) were placed in the military immediately after birth. This new wing of soldiers has been named “The Fightin’ Fetuses,” and their record so far has been most impressive, though quite messy at times. Much like John McCain’s America.

President McCain was elected in a landslide victory in November 2008 thanks to hundreds of thousands of “Joe the Racists” finally coming together in an epic moment of national unity. Former Senator Barack Obama (now deported) was thought to end the eight year drought of Democrats in the Oval Office, but unfortunately for him, he was only able to carry the vote in Newport News, Virginia.
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We are all witnesses. We are all laughing, smiling, idiotic witnesses of the death of one of America’s most beloved funny women (women here is plural, and just barely). I’m talking, of course, about Ana Gasteyer. Actually, no, I’m talking about the painful ongoing death of Tina Fey, and no one realizes what’s happening.

Just a little more than a month ago, Tina Fey was the at the toppermost of the poppermost. Years after becoming the first ever female head writer of SNL, then a star of the show thanks to Weekend Update, followed by a successful turn in writing the only watchable thing Lindsay Lohan has ever done, Fey created 30 Rock, the funniest network sitcom over the last year and a multiple Emmy winner. Things were going great for Tina Fey.

Everyone loved her (and not just those among us anymore who are turned on by the ever important glasses/facial scar combo) and she was in the very rare breed of being a female comedian who is actually, legitimately funny (though she still trails Amy Sedaris in that department). Even starring in a not so great movie, and a not so annoying commercial, was good for her because it pushed her closer to becoming a major mainstream star, and deservedly so. Not all transitions go so smoothly (I’m looking at you, Wanda Sykes).

So then what happened you ask?  Why is she dying?  The answer is a two-parter with the first part being very clear and simple: Sarah Palin.
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