Respect Authority

Check it out everybody, the circus has arrived at Fashion Week Paris!

And stay tuned for an exclusive preview of Kanye’s new single “YMCA & Heartbreak.”

Michael Minelli, a Las Vegas bouncer, is suing Simon & Schuster, as his photo is included in the scientific text Hot Chicks With Douchebags and he is somehow under the impression that this constitutes libel. I’m sorry, sir, but suing because somebody called you a douchebag definitely qualifies you as, in fact, a douchebag. And also an asshole. Case closed.

The dude doesn’t even have a case anyway. The book is clearly intended for educational purposes, and therefore no releases from those included in the text would be required. The public needs to remain vigilant in its quest to ferret out the world’s assorted bags — be it scum, douche, or otherwise. Read More ›

Listen, you skiing motherfuckers. We get it. You ski - a lot. You “hit the slopes” or “fight the black diamonds” or whatever the fuck it is you kids are calling it these days. It’s abundantly clear that you spend a lot of time with poles, and snow, and the reason it’s so clear is your unyielding refusal to take those damn lift passes off your winter coat.

Was this just a suburban thing? Or was everyone at one point or another surrounded by douchebags who felt compelled to leave upwards of five lift passes from various ski resorts on their brightly colored and overly zippered winter jackets? Did everyone else feel athletically deficient or morbidly incompetent as they pictured their peers and friends zig-zagging down monstrous hills while they went for a 22nd try on the bunny slopes? Did anyone else want to jab a ski pole into the eye of kids who seriously thought it was cool to have seven crinkled stickers hanging off of their coat well into spring? No, just me? Okay then.

In all seriousness, I saw a teenager on the subway the other day with this nostalgic multitude of ski slope accoutrement attached to his red North Face coat, and I was immediately overcome with a very nostalgic urge to punch him in the face. Go back to your ski lift, toolbox, in New York we ride the subway.

Former Beatles drummer Ringo Starr said this week that after Oct. 20, he will no longer be accepting fan mail. After 45 years in the spotlight, or at least some kind of light, Starr told fans he won’t answer mail, send signed photos, or basically give a shit anymore. In fact, he plans to throw any fan mail he receives after the 20th in the trash.

Ironically, (The Beatles did have a song called “Don’t Bother Me”) Starr has been an otherwise out-and-about former pop prince: He still tours and often acts as front-man during musical performances. Plus, Starr appeared in a 1991 episode of The Simpsons, during which he was shown answering every piece of fan mail he received, sometimes a decade late.

In the end I don’t know which is more shocking: that Ringo Starr is culturally relevant enough to make the announcement in a Web video, or that he still gets fan mail.