Respect Authority

I don’t know if Elton John will sing a personalized version of “Candle in the Wind” at his Superbowl-sized funeral. I don’t know if this will have any impact on Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen’s box office draw (you know, considering MJ was the original transformer). And I don’t know if your children are finally safe now, but one thing’s for sure… Jon and Kate must be psyched.

You will be missed. Mostly by Lou.

House Peters Jr., a TV actor who became the original Mr. Clean in Procter & Gamble’s commercials for household cleaners, died Wednesday. He was 92. 

Mr. Peters, who died of pneumonia in the Motion Picture and Television Fund Hospital in Los Angeles, also had other acting roles, but according to CNN, his “most memorable” was as Mr. Clean in the 1950s. (Note: I’ve yet to decide whether or not that’s depressing).

Pneumonia or not, I think someone should be hauling the Scrubbing Bubbles in for a few choice questions. Just look at those eyes.

Remember when I wrote about killer vehicles and the people they kill? (For the record, it was about three posts ago). Well, here’s an update!

Turns out, William Jenkins (yes, they identified him, that only took about a thousand hours), actually sent a “distraught text message” to a friend just moments before being hit by one two trains. Police also found painkiller prescription bottles near Jenkins, and his, once again “mangled” (thank you, Associated Press) body is now being autopsied. Details of the text message have yet to be made public, but I feel like the options are limited: 

1. “Fuck, I want to jump in front of a train.”
2. “Fuck, I’m about to get hit by a train.”
3. “Lol, I kno!!! He wuz supr cute. Even wlked me to the train! :-) –<–@” 

Semi-related, turns out the engineer of a train that collided with a freight train in LA last month (killing 25, injuring more than 130), was also sending text messages just before the crash. Nextel should really start advertising their annoying walkie talkie function to the “I frequent busy transportation routes and can’t afford texting related lawsuits… or death” demographic. 

[Newsday]
[New York Times]

On July 28, I watched in half-awe, half-disgust the developing story of a man killed on the Bronx’s Major Deegan Expressway after he was “hit with several cars.” Headlines for the story were along the lines of “Man hit, killed by several cars” so it was, to be fair, a pretty easy one to follow. (UnFun Fact: Only one of the cars stopped.) 

In Round 2 of “Killer Kars” (because alliteration always sells), on Wednesday a handcuffed man on the Metro-North railroad track was hit by not one, but two trains. According to reports, “his mangled body lay for hours beneath the second [train]” (Since when does Bret Easton Ellis write local news?) Read More ›