Respect Authority

October 15, 2008 (9:47PM ET) -
In unprecedented, yet inevitable news, Comedy Central has canceled it’s brand new series, Chocolate News, after just two commercial breaks. The host and star of this brand newly canceled “comedy” programme is the self-proclaimed “poor man’s Delroy Lindo of the Comedy World,” David Alan Grier.  Upon learning this news, Mr. Grier (or is it Mr. Alan Grier?) released the following prepared statement (pending review for future release on his MySpace page) during what would have been the third act costume change:

“I, David Alan Grier, am disheartened to learn that my brand new show, Chocolate News, has been canceled by the same geniuses at Comedy Central who asked me to do this show in the first place.  When I got the offer to produce and star in this project, I was curious as to why I was even getting a show at all. I mean, I haven’t intentionally been funny since I killed my mother during child birth, yet here I was, carrying a show that was only created to be some sort of Carlos Mencia-esque version of Chappelle’s Show. I guess Comedy Central didn’t realize that they already had that type of show on their network which was already being hosted by a man named Carlos Mencia.  Who knows? Maybe that’s why that show has been in production for so many years? Also Sarah Silverman.

Anyway, that’s not my problem anymore. I’d now like to directly address my many fans who may want to know of upcoming projects. So, Rodney Jefferson of Rockford, Illinois, I plan on returning to my roots as a street performer who dances for unfiltered candy cigarettes and voluntarily licks anything put within seven feet of what I like to call my ‘face area.’ Thank you for your time. Are you gonna eat that?”

Comedy Central plans to replace Chocolate News with old episodes of Margaret Cho’s classic American sitcom, All American Girl, and the 6 very best episodes of Dave’s World starring Harry Anderson.