Respect Authority

With the threat of nuclear fallout vastly diminished, you can buy your caves on the cheap! 

Seriously though, Steve Rush, proud owner of Mystic Caverns in Arkansas, is selling the 28-acre property (which includes three caves and a gift shop to boot!) on eBay. 

The bidding started at $899,900, down from an original asking price of $1.2 million. Rush was undoubtedly forced to lower his expectations after the Obama victory: now that we’ve got the change we need, far fewer people will be looking for a place to hide out until the radioactive ash settles. In addition, only two of the caves are safe for visitors, which begs the question: What is one supposed to do with the leftover cave — bat colony? Set for Fear Factor challenge?

Rush has owned the property for twenty years, so parting ways with the caves must be a bummer. He’s been hosting tours at the two accessible caves, Mystic Cavern and the hilariously-named Crystal Dome, since 1992. (Even better name: the unusable cave, Not Much Sink Cavern).

But sometimes you just have to let go — especially as movies like The Descent and The Cave convinced young people the world over to stay the fuck away from caves and the mutant creatures inhabiting them.