Respect Authority

After about a thousand pages and what feels like years of babbling, the apocalypse-averting stimulus-recovery-rescue bailout package has been finally passed and signed. The economy works again! Right? Right?

Um, maybe.

The first point that merits making is that the Republican bitching was kind of intellectually honest — in that the bill wasn’t exactly a stimulus package, nor did it directly address the emergency at hand. They complained that the monies appropriated by the bill are for something called “spending” rather than “stimulating.” Which, according to Republicans, doesn’t equal “job creation.”  

That being said, Republicans haven’t proven themselves capable of crafting sustainable economic policy, so any criticism they offer should be taken with a huge, absolutely inedible grain of salt. However, it still remains to seen whether the Democrats’ bill (with provisions for birth control, education, and energy independence) will fill America with smart, capable and productive citizens who can do something other than manage other people’s money (poorly - I’m looking at you, you fucking bank managers). Read More ›

Whoever laid out the LA Times on Tuesday is either from the future and trying to tell us something, has a great sense of juxtaposition, or does not have a job anymore.

…Or maybe they just really love Independence Day.

DRESSED TO IMPRESS

Just in case you weren’t actively watching your 401(k) plummet, there’s another way to know the financial crisis is hitting close to home: witty T-shirts! Everyone knows that nothing is culturally relevant until it becomes a T-shirt (see Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston, Napoleon Dynamite and the entire “Vote or Die” campaign). Now there’s a snarky T-shirt for all the economically-aware fashionistas out there. 

FISTFUL OF FACE (2)

In other signs the Wall Street meltdown is becoming increasingly low-brow, rumor has it Lehman Brothers Chief Executive Richard Fuld tried to blow off some steam at the company gym last week — and was punched in the face. Yes, the CEO of one of Wall Street’s (formerLY) largest companies: Punched. In. The. Face. I kept thinking it was about time someone brought the whole credit crunch down to our level. In fact, if Lehman, Merrill Lynch, Bank of America, Citigroup, etc. all sent their chief executives to compete in a money-fueled round-robin wrestling tournament, the disintegration of the financial world as we know it would at least be entertaining.

KILLER INTEREST RATES

Finally, for “Joe Six Pack” (which is exactly what I’m going to name my child, first name Joe, middle-name six pack) in small-town America, here’s a story that will break or warm your heart, or maybe break it and then warm the pieces back together. Ohio resident Addie Polk shot herself in the chest (at least twice) after learning that Fannie Mae was foreclosing on her home. In return, she got to (a) live and (b) be the first person forgiven their mortgage for a suicide attempt.