Respect Authority

I realized something about myself yesterday. See, while some potheads find themselves so jaded as to lament the existence of a weed-related holiday (Aaron), many of us - myself included - take pride in the thought that thousands, nay millions, of Americans got so high yesterday that they forgot 4/20 is also the anniversary of Columbine, and Hitler’s birthday. (Just think, if THOSE people smoked a little bit of herb, maybe the world would be a different place today). 

Yet even though I more than willingly overlooked the fact that I happen to smoke nearly every day, thereby making a holiday celebrated by smoking less than significant, I found myself a little intrigued by the tone of 4/20/2009. 

Given the recent relaxation of marijuana-related law enforcement, and the more subtle shift in national perception of the drug, it should come as no surprise that yesterday was as much about activism as blunts and bongs. Massachusetts voters, who decriminalized the drug last November, were out in force, and in Illinois, medical marijuana supporters readied a TV ad campaign in support of a bill that would legalize marijuana use by patients with debilitating conditions. Two New York senators are expected to introduce a similar bill on Tuesday, less than a month after the state did away with many of its cumbersome Rockefeller Drug Laws. Oh, and High Times magazine crowned “Miss High Times.”

Regardless of how quickly or slowly decriminalization and legalization come about on a national or even state-by-state level, there’s no question that the stigma of marijuana, the red-eyed, unshowered, hitting-girls-on-tricycles-with-your-car stigma that makes your average pothead snort in disgust and say things like “I live above the influence of this fucking public service announcement,” is dissipating, and with that dissipation comes the inevitable “movement.” Doctors, politicians, advocates and activists who had in the last few years laid low are suddenly making themselves heard, most likely because it seems people are starting to actually consider listening. Read More ›

As one gets older, it’s important to regularly make an effort to keep any kind of “maturation” at bay. And that’s why I get my entire body waxed every three weeks. …Well, actually, that’s not the only reason why, but we’ll talk about that some other time.

Anyway, here’s some material to help keep you firmly lodged in the mire of perpetual immaturity. Although, I don’t really anticipate you needing very much of an excuse to laugh at stupidity made manifest right now, considering it’s OMG 4:20 on 4/20 I THINK MY MIND JUST BLEW UP FROM HIGHNESS DUDEZ

Admittedly, nothing can warm my flash-frozen charcoal heart more than obnoxious kids getting what’s coming to them. Except for money. Oh… and, of course, water parks:

Seriously, where can I get a ticket, and, more importantly, is there a discount if I bring a can of Coke?

Apparently it’s “Have Fun At Unfortunate Children’s Expense Day” at Respect Authority. Oh, wait, it is April 20th after all, and I mean, I still can’t stop laughing about how my little brother drowned because I left him alone in the pool so I could smoke blunts all day.

Well I never!

First they taunt us with ironically entertaining but completely brainwashing D.A.R.E sessions, then they infiltrate our televisions with endless public service announcements. They even put a damper on our ability to drive through a McDonald’s high without double-checking for pigtail-wearing girls on tricycles. And I hate doing that! 

And now, of all the things, they’re trying to steal our day. Indeed, some anti-drug advocates are using April 20 — according to the Wall Street Journal, a day when “marijuana smokers around the country light up for an unofficial holiday celebrating pot that stems from smoker slang ‘420;’ thank you WSJ, bastion of all that is hip and knowing — to start a movement against pot that cites not only health and legal reasons, but moral ones. American pot smokers, the North Coastal Prevention Coalition claims, are unwittingly supporting drug cartels in Mexico. 

Five years ago, this sort of holier-than-thou attitude would have gotten any coalition a series of puzzled looks. “What’s a cartel? What’s Mexico?” but these days it’s become increasingly difficult to ignore story after story on the escalating violence across the border, the vast majority of it stemming from Mexico’s biggest industry: las drogas. Read More ›