Respect Authority

Humans are largely fickle creatures. For instance, when I go to Taco Bell, I often have a fiercely embattled inner dialogue over whether I should get a chicken quesadilla (I’m pretty sure the critical ingredient here is the nectar of Mount Olympus drizzled all over the fucking thing… well, it’s either that or jizz) with a couple heavenly soft tacos on the side, or just fuck the whole quesadilla idea and eat as many soft tacos as I can before throwing up.

After all, Taco Bell soft tacos are the closest thing we have to mass-produced, processed, and completely inauthentic Mexican candy. And if I’m celebrating Mexico’s prized exports, I don’t think I’d be too fickle in choosing a soft taco over, you know, fucking swine flu. Sounds nice though, it’s just not my thing… you know, dying young.

Today, friends, I’m concerned over the Obama mania that has struck much of the nation, particularly in light of his hundred days of solitude and all that shit. He’s likable… too likable… I almost want him to be my dad. And I think it’s very easy to become swept up in the celebrity of him, his beautiful family garbed in gorgeous designer clothes, and their kind of retarded looking dog, and just how much better in probably every way possible he is than the previous president. Remember, it wouldn’t be all that hard to do better than that, and we need much more than that in these TETs (tough economic times). To say nothing of all the other catastrophes waiting in the wings.

And yes, it was very easy to be critical of Not-My-President Bush, but I think we need to remain critical of our country’s leaders always. We are adrift on some perilous slopes, and we are looking to this new administration to guide us back to base camp 1 — but what if they feed us to Yetis for a whole ton of cash instead? Think about it. Remain vigilant, and all that shit. Not trying to preach, just sharing some food for thought.

Granted, you could do a lot worse, considering the Republicans of late have turned into a frenzied pack of wild, God-fearing dogs. And wild dogs aren’t the cute, kinda dumb kind that hump your leg at a party — no, their feral counterparts are more like mangy wolves, with scary, relentless barks, that will bite at your jugular if you give them the chance. I think I’m still making a Republican party metaphor here but I kind of hit a penny and derailed a bit… I’ve been watching too many nature documentaries lately.

…”Too many” — hah! Can you believe you’re getting this kind of comedy for free, people?

Time’s cover story this week is about Obama and his magical hundred days, and the story’s already online. The short end of it? He really hasn’t done anything yet, and even if he did it’s really Jim Jones’ fault for being too weak; besides, he shot the pirates. What’s more interesting is this picture of his private residence! Looks like his Mac’s hooked up to a brand new Apple Cinema Display with a custom high-resolution White House wallpaper.

And he might be using his Blackberry while reading four books at the same time. Also, his lamp’s a little fey.