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Posts Filed Under London

Sunny and Partly Cloudy

Filed Under: Art, London

Two days ago, artist and apparent soap fetishist Stuart Semple released 2,057 smiley-faced clouds into the miserable gray wash the British call “sky.” The clouds, made up of helium, biodegradable soap, and vegetable dye, floated past the Tate Modern and Southbank before dissolving into the air after 30 short-lived minutes. Frankly, I’m not sure if seeing a few of these hovering next to my face on the way to work would come across as anything other than smug. Like, “Hah hah, I’m a cloud, I never have to work! See things in me!”

The project, intended to inject a little cheer into the dreary London skyline, was certainly unique. However, the artist probably could have made people even happier if he just threw all the money these blissfully ignorant clouds cost into the air instead. Not as cute, maybe, but after using that free money to buy a few beers, everything else starts looking cuter anyway.

And while they may have elicited a few unsuspecting chuckles at the time, now just imagine if all of those little happy clouds had anthrax or nerve gas mixed into their sudsy solution. The clouds and even great Allah himself might be smiling now, but they’re the only ones!

So yeah, the clouds were a real gas. But only in time will we see which definition of the word really best applies. Smile, we live in such a wonderful world!

 
aaron

2:30 PM on February 26th, 2009 | 

Posted by aaron

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“Does It Have 3G Then?”

Filed Under: London, Technology and Gadgetry

g11T-Mobile’s G1, the notorious Google Phone, was released in the UK yesterday and coldly cockblocks Apple’s path to world wide mobile domination. To be clear, by “cockblock” I mean the phone grabs Steve Jobs’ dick, rips it off, travels back in time and tricks young Steve Jobs into eating it when he wasn’t a slowly dying vegan. It’s that cold.

CNET UK, armed with a brand new G1 and a hopelessly passé iPhone 3G, staged a wireless data competition and found that the G1 downloaded webpages twice as fast as the iPhone 3G.

…we visited barackobama.com. The G1 took 45 seconds to load the page, the iPhone 3G took 1 minute 38 seconds…

They ran an additional test on their WiFi network and found the load times to be comparable, meaning that the software and processing capacities were about equal. CNET UK speculates that the O2 network, the iPhone’s exclusive carrier in England, is holding back the iPhone’s capacities. Well what about their chipsets?

The article makes the point of comparing another T-Mobile 3G phone to the G1 (I know, not enough Gs in that sentence, here’s another… aaaand his myspace for good measure). The point is, two phones on the same network had widely variable load times. So its not the network, its the chipset right?

Apple’s iPhone 3G uses an Infineon chip, which has no reported history of inadequacy, whereas the G1 uses a dual-core integrated processing chip from Qualcomm. Now, I have no idea what that means but I do know that they’re different and the sooner RA opens its coffers up and buys me a G1, the faster I can unlock it and test it against an iPhone right here in real America/keep it for myself.

And you’ll be damn sure I won’t be using any pinko websites to test the loading speeds. Country First loads as fast as freedom on this and any computer.

[Cheerio CNET]

 
lou

10:07 AM on October 31st, 2008 | 

Posted by lou

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Keira Knightley: Name thief, underbite queen

Filed Under: London, Movies

keiraFuck Keira Knightley. Can I say that? I hope so, because I just did. Fuck that British waif and all her stupid movies, that have somehow in their collective shit-tasticary made “Kira” a name people associate with period pieces and glaring underbites. Bitter much? Yes.

The Dutchess, Knightley’s latest movie, which disappointingly has a decent 61% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, highlights everything about Knightley that annoys me, which is to say my overarching thesis that were she not a British actress, she would be a complete nobody, and I would have back both the sanctity of my name and countless wasted hours spent watching her “I’m so defiant until I fall in love and live happily ever after” shtick. Read More ›

 
kira

2:00 PM on October 23rd, 2008 | 

Posted by kira

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Today in fatty fat news

Filed Under: London, New York, Pop Culture

fattyprisoner1-100x100RICHARD COOEY, INDICTED for killing two college students, failed to convince his executioners that he was too fat to receive lethal injection. The 267-pound man had tried to avoid execution by arguing that his obesity would prevent humane lethal injection, because veins in his arms are hard to find. Unfortunately, the Department of Corrections disagreed. …And so do I.

obese-man-100x100FIREFIGHTERS RESCUED A 600-pound man from his home after he literally fell and couldn’t get up. At least ten firefighters hoisted David Schoc, 57, onto a “custom-built wooden backboard designed for large people” after having to remove a wall of his home. Schock had been struggling for the telephone for two days. Now, how do I get one of these backboards?

fatdog1-100x100WHILE THE BRITS were across the pond scoffing at our cheeseburger consumption, their pets were getting fat! Approximately half of the cats and dogs in the U.K. are now overweight, according to a recent study. Fortunately for them, and really for no one else since this actually symbolizes the downfall of humanity, Pfizer has Silentrol for obese dogs.

And that’s today, in Fatty Fat News.

 
kira

9:23 AM on October 14th, 2008 | 

Posted by kira

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Politics and Gay Clubbing

Filed Under: A Bowl of Cheerio

Gay bars, no matter where you are in the world, are no place for politics. Even if it’s three thirty in the morning and the staff is telling you to leave. No, in fact, especially if it’s three thirty in the morning and the staff is telling you to leave. A lesson I tend to forget. And admittedly, the more drinks I consume the faster I become the cynic, as I was tonight with the intelligent remark, “Honestly, James, I’m going to get an absentee ballot, but it doesn’t mean anything. It just doesn’t. I’m from New York, Obama will get New York.” My roommate, Bridget, doesn’t like this.

Cut to twenty minutes later and I’m phoning my straight English mate, James, who is now standing outside Heaven in Charing Cross. James doesn’t seem as nervous as he should over the phone, as he is about to descend into the depth of trannies, glitter, bad music, and perhaps, date rape, and I’m trying equally hard to sound calm as I bury the fact that I am completely lost in central London. Bridget has left me, and she’s the clever one who knows London, whereas I know nothing. I am about to start my second year here and I’m lost. I had been home in Brooklyn for most of the summer and this was my first night out since touching down in The Big Smoke, as they call it. (Incidentally, I thought this “Big Smoke” thing meant Heaven when I originally heard the term and replied, “I’m sorry, I don’t believe in Heaven, so I can’t answer that question.”)

I was drunk… a bit high, yes, but also completely flustered by the argument I had just had with my roommate as a result of my callous opinion on the upcoming election. Ultimately, it ended with a shove and one of us storming off, but that’s not important. After the kind old man helped me up, I was off to save James from the impending doom that awaited him. I was right off Picadilly Circus, so that meant if I walked in the direction of Leicester Square and Charing Cross I would be at Heaven in no time. Read More ›

 
pj

1:00 PM on October 13th, 2008 | 

Posted by pj

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Bus Battles

Filed Under: A Bowl of Cheerio

A Bowl of Cheerio is London Correspondent PJ’s regular column about his experiences as a lifelong New Yorker, born and raised on good American values like reality TV, pop music and gin, in jolly ole’ London. PJ isn’t officially our “London Correspondent,” but he’s taken it upon himself to both live among Brits AND attend acting school, thereby ensuring a bounty of witty commentary. A Bowl of Cheerio will appear every Monday, with other contributions in between since we all know the British do whatever they want (just look at Prince Charles.)

Check out my fortress of solitude:

New Hotness

New Hotness

Now check out what I used to take:

Old and Busted?

Old and Busted?

Between the two, it’s hard to choose which one I prefer, until you put me in the front seat on the second level of a double decker bus. Then it’s a landslide, London wins. If this were Transformers, and they could reassemble their parts to create mega-robots that battle to the death, I think it would be an even draw. But I have yet to witness this.
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pj

11:26 AM on October 6th, 2008 | 

Posted by pj

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