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Posts Filed Under Screenshots From Kira's Television

Tool Academy, I Mean, The Hills

Filed Under: Screenshots From Kira's Television

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Only Spencer Pratt would have another friend named Spencer.

 
kira

9:30 AM on November 4th, 2009 | 

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Nip/Tuck…

Filed Under: Screenshots From Kira's Television

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…Occasionally, sometimes…still the best fucking show on television.

 
kira

9:30 AM on October 29th, 2009 | 

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The Rap Game

Filed Under: Screenshots From Kira's Television

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In addition to all the rappers, producers and celebrities interviewed for 50 Cent’s episode of Behind the Music: his barber. Which is even more interesting considering I don’t think I’ve ever seen 50 Cent’s hair.

 
kira

9:30 AM on October 27th, 2009 | 

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The Not So Amazing Race

Filed Under: Politics, Screenshots From Kira's Television

So this is the first time since I moved to NYC that I find myself caring about city politics — the mayor, to be specific. It’s a weird feeling, caring, especially without the pop culture backing of something like a presidential election. I mean, there are a LOT of people in this country, most people, who couldn’t give a shit about the mayor of New York, and I generally like to fall in the range of “most people” on things — except U2, Seinfeld and Jell-O. But some budding adult in me decided to watch the mayoral debate last night. I could say I wanted to educate myself, or at the very least be prepared for next-day water cooler gossip, but the truth is I find political debates wildly riveting when I’m high. In some bizarre reverse-intellectual way, I think it’s because they’re the ultimate reality television. …(Someday when I’m older, I’m going to read that sentence again and be embarrassed).

So after an hour of bad lighting, awkward arguments and lots of political gibberish, I took away one thing:

Bill Thompson: “In conclusion, if you don’t vote for me, I will fucking shoot Mike Bloomberg in the head and bury him at Hudson Yards with a gravestone that says ‘Term Limit Reached, Motherfucker.’” *

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*Note: Bill Thompson did not say this.

 
kira

9:30 AM on October 14th, 2009 | 

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Dora The “Explorer”

Filed Under: Screenshots From Kira's Television

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Sometimes local news promos make me kind of maybe want to watch local news. The fact that I caught this during what appears to be a reptilian grimace on the part of Michelle Trachtenberg, well, that’s just coincidence.

Also, Gossip Girl: Incredibly appropriate time to show this headline.

 
kira

9:00 AM on October 13th, 2009 | 

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Man Vs. Beast

Filed Under: Screenshots From Kira's Television

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And people say America’s Funniest Home Videos isn’t funny.

 
kira

8:49 PM on September 23rd, 2009 | 

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Hanging By A Thread

Filed Under: Screenshots From Kira's Television

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These sorts of challenges are the reason The Fashion Show will never be as good as Project Runway.

 
kira

9:15 AM on July 8th, 2009 | 

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Hug It Out

Filed Under: Screenshots From Kira's Television

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So it’s getting down to the nitty gritty on MTV’s Real World/Road Rules Duel 2, meaning the only people left are guys on steroids and the girls fortunate enough to be partnered with them. Although this season has been lackluster in terms of competition—the method for choosing who goes into the duel is as much a popularity contest as anything else, and Landon wins every fucking challenge anyway—there’s been a good amount of drama: CT assaulted Adam on day one, Rachel and Jen rekindled a flame ignited in prior challenges, much to the chagrin of Aneesa, who has apparently been hung up on Rachel for nearly a decade. And Brad and Tory are engaged, which isn’t really dramatic (until next week’s episode!) so much as just…weird. Oh, and MJ’s got a child at home, whose college he’s trying to pay for, an altruistic goal he never lets a single cast member (or us as the audience) forget. 

But the real standout this season is Evan, who reminds me of Chunk from The Goonies, if Chunk started weight-lifting in middle school to regain semblance of self-esteem. Indeed, Evan’s “I was at one point in my life fat, a loser or a fat loser” attitude come across as insecurity and paranoia, wrapped in Muscle Milk packaging. Sitting alongside “I’ve tripled in size since my season of the Real World,” Landon, “I’m not always surprised, my eyes are really just this big” Brad and “I’m 37 and still doing challenges” Mark, Evan’s discomfort is palpable — he knows he’s the next kid out in dodgeball, and so do we. 

Which is why it was kind of hilarious to see Evan’s reading material of choice this week - despite MTV’s bizarre and unnecessary attempt to block out the title. Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman’s Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia isn’t exactly the stuff of champions - unless we’re talking about a quilt-making championship, or …a tournament of feelings. Perhaps Evan might be better served by more masculine literature.  Some suggestions? Tucker Max’s I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell,  Maddox’s The Alphabet of Manliness, or Neil Strauss’ The Game. At the very least it would make him look like slightly less of a pussy when he’s laying in bed whining about the woes of the duel.

 
kira

1:23 PM on May 28th, 2009 | 

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The Hills’ Best Cameo To Date

Filed Under: Screenshots From Kira's Television

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The guitarist for stupidly named “The White Tie Affair” sure is lucky MTV was willing to pull a few synergy strings to get his band magically featured on an episode of The Hills this week — how convenient that Audrina’s employer, which does something with music or modeling or events or something, just happened to be filming a video for the band, and Stephanie just happened to run into the guitarist — who by the by, just happened to invite her out for drinks before revealing he lives with his girlfriend. Who Stephanie later called a “live-in girlfriend,” as though she stays home and bakes her guitarist beau cookies until he comes back from “the road” to let her out back for a bathroom break. 

I just happen to think dear sweet Sean looks an awful lot like a mythical creation of yore–he’s about as smart too.

 
kira

9:40 AM on May 20th, 2009 | 

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News: So Credible These Days

Filed Under: Screenshots From Kira's Television, Zero Tolerance

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I’m still not sure if the burglar is a ninja or if someone burgles ninjas.

 
kira

12:37 PM on May 9th, 2009 | 

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Rock of Love Butt

Filed Under: Screenshots From Kira's Television

dscn0151-450x337Remember how it made headlines - and by headlines I mean Gawker’s - when news emerged that the latest cast of  losers to populate MTV’s The Real World included the show’s first-ever post-op tranny? Well little does Viacom know that just one network over, another tranny - with a more sophisticated disguise - is in residence on VH1’s Rock of Love Bus.

Farrah (pictured), who made a name for herself on Day 1 with the memorable (and suggestive) declaration “I think when I’m drunk I’m a lesbian,” has since flown completely under the radar — primarily because the show only has room for one sarcastic and condescending bitch, a role Ashley has undertaken with impressive determination. Ironically, Ashley - if one will remember my initial post - herself looks like a post-op, but in a more tragic “I know you’re actually just a really unfortunate looking woman with a lot of makeup on” way. She proably got picked on as a child.

Back to Farrah. The ladies this past week took a trip to Chicago’s Horseshoe Casino, where Bret played a show at “The Venue,” which sounds (and looked) pretty decent until one takes a gander at The Venue’s upcoming performances, which include “Acrobatics of Hebei China,” Air Supply and something called “The Australian Bee Gees show.” God only knows where Bret would have been performing if he didn’t have a reality TV show.

The object of the challenge was to dismantle a stage and pack it away in a trailer, all while wearing impressively slutty lingerie ensembles, which weren’t specifically mandated but seemed to be all the girls’ interpretation of “dress to impress.” Farrah, for her part, pulled off a semi-one-piece - even with those broad shoulders and a suspicious lack of hips or butt.

Since I’m not really putting Farrah’s possession of a penis up for debate here - I’ve been 100% sure for at least two episodes - I’m more concerned at this point with when - and how exactly - Bret Michaels is going to make the discovery. Will it be soon - perhaps during a poorly timed swimming challenge? Or later, during one of his “overnight” visits? I can only hope it’s the former; considering how worked up Bret got last week over one girl’s alleged mockery of his hair extensions, I can only imagine the wrath that would stem from this sort of revelation. Every rose has its thorn indeed.

 
kira

4:45 PM on January 27th, 2009 | 

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Inert Dwarf

Filed Under: Screenshots From Kira's Television

Best Law and Order episode name ever.

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kira

9:16 AM on January 9th, 2009 | 

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