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Posts Filed Under The Trend That Time Forgot

Not So Hot Pants

Filed Under: The Trend That Time Forgot

fgpants

Let me start by saying that I am far from trendy. Which isn’t to say that I consider myself “above” the latest in fashion, so much as I’m a victim of probability: When any new fad emerges, chances are high I can’t afford it, and don’t look good in it (see: skinny jeans, neon and outerwear that isn’t black wool). But even 20-somethings who may or may not own and wear to work a pair of black capri pants purchased for $10 at Wal-Mart can tell when a trend is being revived. After all, I’ve lived through the 80s, most of them at least. I remember our multi-year obsession with plaid, and the point at which I discovered flares were not only popular, but far more flattering to the thunder thigh. And when hipsters emerged a few years back with neon Wayfarers, vests and Keds, I—like everyone else—smiled condescendingly at the thought that anyone with greasy hair and a Williamsburg apartment thought they were breaking fashion ground.

So I was fairly shocked to discover on Thrillist, an online men’s guide to all things trendy, a promo for designer Franklin and Gower touting the labels’ familiarly decorated pants. If memory serves, and it does because there was a brief period where I exclusively owned pants with stripes down the side, this trend is older than time. And by that I mean about a decade. For a fleeting moment in the midst of my middle school career, side-striped pants were, put bluntly, the shit. I had some flares with a red and white stripe, some wide-legged jeans with a blue and white one, and some bell-bottoms with a (retrospectively) regrettable flower pattern. I owned this trend.

I have no way of knowing whether the reincarnated stripey pants are selling like hotcakes, or like what they are: an exceedingly flamboyant knock-off of a 90s trend. But if I had known that my l.e.i. wide-legs could sell for $185 today, I probably would have held on to them.

 
kira

11:16 AM on August 12th, 2009 | 

Posted by kira

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What a Croc of Shit

Filed Under: Sneakers, The Trend That Time Forgot

Damn girl, where'd you get them Crocs?

Damn girl, where'd you get them Crocs?

It seems a tad callous to wish death upon something just because it sucks, but hey, we live in a shallow world and I’d like to preserve my hermetically-sealed bubble of air-conditioned consumerist comfort, if that’s all right with you. So, shallow as it may be, I couldn’t help but feel a tinge of sadistic satisfaction when I read that infamous purveyors of brightly-colored hideousness, Crocs, have a conference call scheduled with the Grim Reaper.

The Washington Post seems to believe Crocs won’t have the longevity of the species’ they’re named after, but more likely the lifespan of something they more closely resemble — rotten Swiss cheese:

The company swung from a profit of $168.2 million in fiscal year 2007 to a loss of $185.1 million last year. In its annual report, Crocs said that an independent auditor expressed concerns about “conditions that raise substantial doubt about our ability to continue.” Its stock price has plummeted 76 percent.

In other words, even when common sense, self-respect, and, uh, a working pair of eyes couldn’t do it, something finally managed to kill the Crocs. Some may be quick to blame it on the recession, although I’d put my remaining few pennies on the shoes themselves causing their own demise. That’s right fellow fashionistas, just like that horrifying cyclops baby, some things are just too ugly to be allowed to live. Read More ›

 
aaron

11:20 AM on July 22nd, 2009 | 

Posted by aaron

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My Arms Are Stubby, My Fingers Are Fat

Filed Under: The Trend That Time Forgot

Blast from the past, children of yesteryear.

I don’t know how “they” (those mysterious and ominous powers that be) ever managed to convince us that drinking beer is cooler than this.

Come to think of it, if they (again: mysterious, ominous) were able to come up with some way to infuse beer within these vile and noxious potions of prepubescent glee I think I’d finally be able to give up my lasting resentment over not being allowed to have recess anymore. Of course, they, being all… um, you know, mysterious and ominous and shit, would probably just end up making it illegal anyway, just like all the best toys. First cap guns that look like real guns, then candy cigarettes… what’s next? Robitussin? It’s fucking unacceptable.

 
aaron

4:16 PM on July 13th, 2009 | 

Posted by aaron

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Excellent WSJ Reporting

Filed Under: New York, The Trend That Time Forgot

 
kira

12:50 PM on July 6th, 2009 | 

Posted by kira

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Wait, Can Somalian Pirates Be Loved Too?

Filed Under: The Trend That Time Forgot

Jamal Al-Sparrow in an undated photo.

Jamal Al-Sparrow in an undated photo.

In our modern world, there are three types of pirates: Disney pirates, everyone who’s ever downloaded anything “illegally”, and Somalians in boats with guns. The latter is generally considered to be more menacing than the first two — but no more?

According to an article from The San Francisco Bay View (hippies), some Somalian pirates are following in the subversive footsteps of all the noble pirates before them — standing up to oppressive imperial navies of the 21st century. Alright, I’ll bite.

If you’re like me, as I suspect you are, Black Hawk Down is your only background source on Somalian affairs. Therefore, it seemed totally logical that the rampant, amphetamine fueled thuggery would eventually spill over into the high seas (or space… I can’t wait for space pirates). But apparently, our assumption is misguided! The failed state of Somalia has been unable to protect its waters from greedy Europeans that have been stealing all their fish and then dumping toxic waste off their shores! Piracy is now the only recourse for Somalians trying to fight back against Imperial powers and eke out a living for their miserable, starving, irradiated population.

Maybe in a hundred years or so, Disney World Dubai will have a Pirates of the Indian Ocean ride and movie franchise with Obama’s great grandson playing the lovable and harmless Somalian pirate — Jamal Al-Sparrow.

 
lou

1:32 PM on April 16th, 2009 | 

Posted by lou

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Dopes on Slopes

Filed Under: The Trend That Time Forgot

skis-450x337Listen, you skiing motherfuckers. We get it. You ski - a lot. You “hit the slopes” or “fight the black diamonds” or whatever the fuck it is you kids are calling it these days. It’s abundantly clear that you spend a lot of time with poles, and snow, and the reason it’s so clear is your unyielding refusal to take those damn lift passes off your winter coat.

Was this just a suburban thing? Or was everyone at one point or another surrounded by douchebags who felt compelled to leave upwards of five lift passes from various ski resorts on their brightly colored and overly zippered winter jackets? Did everyone else feel athletically deficient or morbidly incompetent as they pictured their peers and friends zig-zagging down monstrous hills while they went for a 22nd try on the bunny slopes? Did anyone else want to jab a ski pole into the eye of kids who seriously thought it was cool to have seven crinkled stickers hanging off of their coat well into spring? No, just me? Okay then.

In all seriousness, I saw a teenager on the subway the other day with this nostalgic multitude of ski slope accoutrement attached to his red North Face coat, and I was immediately overcome with a very nostalgic urge to punch him in the face. Go back to your ski lift, toolbox, in New York we ride the subway.

 
kira

4:30 PM on November 17th, 2008 | 

Posted by kira

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The Trend That Time Forgot: Mini-Backpacks

Filed Under: The Trend That Time Forgot

miniDoes anyone remember mini-backpacks? Remember when they weren’t just the tote of choice for middle-aged women and Kohl’s frequent customers? Remember when mini backpacks were actually in?

Lately I’ve been taking some time to analyze women’s choice of bagware on the subway. This is in part for the day-to-day scientific research necessary to inspire this blog, and in part because I lost my earbuds and am waiting for new ones to arrive in the mail. (It’s for that reason that my scientific study of Female Purse Selection in New York City will end on Apple Earbud Estimated Arrival Date Nov. 10).

It seems a purse can say a lot about you - how much you carry, how important you are, how wealthy, how stylish, how woefully unfashionable and doomed to eternal celibacy, etc. And while styles still emerge from time to time, as of late there has been no massive-scale hot item in the purse arena. Not really since the mini backpack. Read More ›

 
kira

1:38 PM on November 7th, 2008 | 

Posted by kira

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