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Archive for December 2009

What A Crock

Filed Under: Movie Reviews

julie-and-juliaI just watched Julie & Julia with my family – a Christmas Eve compromise between It’s a Wonderful Life, which I’ve watched more or less every year since I was five and could probably recite from memory, and Star Wars, which Spike TV is currently playing in marathon and, honestly, never gets old. In fact, despite the movie choice being in actuality a compromise, it’s about as far from my normal decision-making process as possible: an entire film (and a long one, let me tell you) about the literal joys of cooking, as compared with several nostalgic hours of pre-Calista Harrison Ford and animatronic banthas. For someone who owns approximately one pan and has used her oven twice in ten months (and one of those times was to make pot brownies), the choice would have otherwise been fairly obvious.

As it turns out, J&J wasn’t as bad as I was expecting. Which isn’t to say it got bad reviews; most critics seemed wowed enough by Meryl Streep as Julia Child that they overlooked the movie’s rather tedious length and borderline endless discussion of actual cooking. In fact, in some deep-seated female part of my being, I guess the movie did make me want to cook a little – only because Amy Adams/Julie made cooking seem like such a respectable alternative to sitting around in your apartment and watching TV. It seems downright productive.

No, this is what really annoys me about Julie & Julia, and movies like it. Shit like that doesn’t really happen. Not to normal people, not often enough that watching it happen isn’t in actuality just as infuriating and depressing as anything else. People don’t dash off to France and magically overcome historical prejudice so they can go on to be one of the most famous chefs of all time. They don’t just happen to have husbands with government jobs that afford them plenty of leisure time to pursue a completely (at least at the time) absurd hobby, or pen pals who just so happen to know major book editors who just so happen to be interested in not only reading, but testing out, cookbooks from otherwise unknown authors.

And back in New York, in 2002, government employees don’t just decide to start a blog and then within a year not only have mastered cooking but also gotten numerous book deal offers, to say nothing of a movie starring, oh, Meryl Streep. People who live in dipshit apartments above pizza places in Long Island City are supposed to CONTINUE living in dipshit apartments above pizza places, or Chinese places, or butcher shops, to make the rest of us (read: me) feel like it’s totally OK to continue living in Brooklyn next to a car wash with a neon sign that sometimes blinks through our window the entire night.

So, in conclusion, fuck you Julia Child, and Julie Powell, for your uncommon success and its alleged ability to inspire (rather than depress) those of us who are forced to sit through a movie about your lives on Christmas Eve. This isn’t even a tale of hope, or of overcoming hardship. This is a story about two relatively happy people who became even happier through a series of fortunate and lucky events. And those stories, like Santa, aren’t real.

 
kira

10:33 PM on December 24th, 2009 | 

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Weekend Update

Filed Under: TV

The only funny thing Bobby Moynihan has ever really done on SNL:

Also:

 
kira

5:54 PM on December 21st, 2009 | 

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The Latest PSA Craze: Sexting

Filed Under: Pop Culture

THE GOOD

THE BAD

 
kira

12:06 PM on December 11th, 2009 | 

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To Friend A Predator

Filed Under: Technology and Gadgetry, Urban Living

socialnetworkIn light of all the social networks (Google, Yahoo, MySpace, Facebook) booting registered sex offenders from their sites, I think it’s high time NAMBLA or someone equally lamentable launched a social network geared exclusively at the perverted. Come on, rapists have the right to poke too! Plus, Law & Order: SVU would have a virtually unlimited source for material.

Here are some suggested titles; feel free to contribute your own:

-Pervster

-Creepster

-Diddler

-Scumbook

-MyPlace …Tonight

-Don’tLetThemSeeYourFace…Book

-Kidder

-Toddler

-Boinker

-RapeSpace

-FaceRape

-Craigslist

 
kira

4:22 PM on December 10th, 2009 | 

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Pnwed

Filed Under: Politics

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

 
kira

12:27 PM on December 9th, 2009 | 

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A Little Too Ironic

Filed Under: Pop Culture

guidos –> After the two-hour premier of Jersey Shore, MTV’s show about eight Italian-Americans spending a summer together in a house in Seaside Heights, N.J. (essentially Real World Jersey), Domino’s pizza told the network to stop airing it’s ads during the show. This is the biggest misunderstanding of your core audience since Kellogg’s stopped endorsing Michael Phelps because he smoked pot. READ MORE.

–> Defense Secretary Robert Gates said on Sunday that it’s been years since the government has known where Osama Bin Laden is hiding. So basically, until Osama is updating his Twitter feed with “Chillin’ in Afghanistan; opium crop looks gr8,” we’re shit out of luck. READ MORE.

–> Richard Branson unveiled today the Virgin Galactic SpaceShip Two, a commercial spaceship that will soon carry tourists to space for a mere $200,000 each. The spaceship, which is scheduled to begin test flights next year and start commercial routes by 2012, will carry six passengers and two pilots—which means Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger might have a shot at crash-landing on the moon. READ MORE.

–> The New York Times did a big piece Monday on how car-phone makers promoted the devices back in the 1960s, even while knowing the risks of driving with one’s hands otherwise occupied. A note to the Times: the 60’s weren’t exactly a model for best practices in advertising (See: cigarettes, Spam and anything directed at women). READ MORE.

–> Unilever is recalling some 10 million cans of its Slim-Fast ready-to-drink products in North America because of a possible bacterial contamination that makes people who drink the product throw up. …In unrelated news, sales of Slim-Fast were through the roof Monday. READ MORE.

 
kira

1:30 PM on December 7th, 2009 | 

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(Really) Young Frankenstein

Filed Under: Pop Culture

 
kira

10:09 AM on December 7th, 2009 | 

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I Actually Pulled Over

Filed Under: Dumb or Dumber, Sign Language

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This is the kind of stellar branding that goes on in suburban Pennsylvania.

 
kira

11:13 PM on December 2nd, 2009 | 

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