Respect Authority

In the interest of transparency, I’m going to tell you all something. This shouldn’t come as much of a surprise, considering the vast majority of my contributions to Respect Authority are in some way related to, or at the very least allude to, television, but I consider it a potentially damaging confession nonetheless. So here goes: I watch a lot of TV. Like, a lot. Like perhaps 20 different shows at any given point in seasonal programming, to say nothing of stalwart time-passers like Law & Order or Cops.

It’s taken me months, nay, years, to come to grips with what one might call a television addiction, but now that I’ve accepted my habit—in part by pairing it with what some close-minded people might also consider another “addiction” (thank you, delivery herb)—I’m ready to talk about it. Not in the “The first step is admitting you have a problem way;” if it were a problem, God wouldn’t have invented DVR. No, I’m ready to let you all into my world – the world of reality contestants and vegetarian vampires and fat people who just can’t find love. So get ready, because here comes the thunder. That’s right, recaps.

In the interest of preserving some semblance of variety (and dignity) on RA, I have heretofore refrained from sharing my near-nightly analysis of various television programs. After all, this is the stuff of professional reviewers, not hapless bloggers with a sweet-ass bong and lots of free time. But if you haven’t noticed, our creative well hath run dry (hey, everyone goes through droughts, California even has water police) so I’m taking this opportunity to fill my lifelong dream: getting paid to write about TV. Except minus the paid part.

Enjoy. And try not to judge.

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Obama’s speech on healthcare: Lest you think I only watch trash, I made sure to catch last night’s highly anticipated health care speech. (Which is to say I watch about 99% trash). I’ll refrain from casting my proverbial vote in the health care debate in favor of discussing more important matters – like Hillary Clinton wearing the Kool-Aid pantsuit to Michelle Obama’s cotton candy one, or why no one ever talks about the striking resemblance between Timothy Geithner and Squeak from Baseketball? No, really the most important part of the event—and what you’ll need to know at cocktail parties–was that Obama said it was false that his plan would insure illegal immigrants and someone on the right (geographically and politically) yelled that he was a liar, or something of that nature. Yelled—at the president. For the record, being high at the time, this seemed incredibly intense. Also, when Obama said he wanted to speak directly to seniors, I really thought a shot of McCain was in order.

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So You Think You Can Dance: After a disappointing start to the latest season of America’s Best Dance Crew, I was really looking forward to the first fall season of SYTYCD. My excitement was rewarded—the season already promises to have some phenomenal dancers, and people who would rather watch mediocre hip-hop routines than Emmy-award-winning contemporary ones can explain to me why ABDC’s best critiques come from a cardigan-friendly former member of ‘N Sync. Seriously MTV, has hip-hop gotten lazy? Shane Sparks better impress me in the next few weeks or I’m going to start watching ballet movies up in this bitch.

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Glee: Oh, Glee. Despite the fact that Ryan Murphy, creator of my all-time-favorite television program Nip/Tuck (October 14, you are my Christmas), is the mind behind Glee, I approached the show with healthy skepticism—when something gets that hyped, that quickly, one finds it in their heart to doubt simply in the name of objectivity. But if you can move past the occasionally corny musical numbers, whose lip-synched performances on screen don’t always quite match up, then Glee is definitely one of the best shows on television this fall. That doesn’t sound like a lofty statement, until I clarify that almost nothing else has premiered yet. I’m that confident. In a sort of The Office meets School of Rock musical comedy way, it manages to pair awkward mock-umentary humor with totally indulgent singing and dancing numbers. And since I’ve been tired of watching Jim and Pam make out since last season, Glee may even surpass The Office in whimsical romance.

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[Tomorrow: Project Runway,The Real World, and the triumphant return of VH1’s Behind the Music].