Respect Authority

Oh Wall Street Journal.

I’m used to the Times writing nonsensical stories; after all, their motto appears based on how much news they can print, not whether they should. But you, Journal, today you wounded me.

Wednesday’s WSJ included a massive article on, get this, the ever growing length of receipts. Seriously. The Journal devoted two reporters and more than 1,120 words to what amounts to this: retailers are printing long-ass receipts these days, and people? Well people have a lot of things to say about it, things like “It’s as long as my arm” or “What a waste of paper.” Really riveting stuff.

I mean sure, I’ve noticed the change. Last night Walgreen’s handed me a receipt long enough to decorate a Christmas tree with, but you know what I did? I threw it away. I didn’t go home and think to myself “Lordy lordy, is this a trend or something? Should I write 20+ inches on it?”

To be honest, if I were a so-called “man on the street” and a Journal reporter approached me to ask my opinion on receipt lengths, I might pitch a fit. I understand the world at large has long since tired of dire economic news, and banks’ failin’ days seem to be over for the time being, but I still find it hard to believe there’s nothing that merits attention just a little more than whether Duane Reade is doling out foot-long paper coupons, or having trouble keeping receipt paper stocked.

For that matter, the Journal may just be headed downhill? I loved their foray into the wacky world of pogo sticks, and analysis of the recession’s effect on “bling,” but in the last week I’ve seen a pixelated illustration of a man holding a receipt like he’s not sure whether to wipe his ass with it, and an electric razor. Seriously, an electric razor.

Isn’t there a war somewhere to report on?