Respect Authority

You know those moments when you realize you’ve somehow averted disaster simply by being in the right place at the right time—you stop for coffee and miss a train that later stalls underground, or trip on the sidewalk and avoid a fatal blow from an unobservant bus driver. Shit like that. Well now’s the time for American model and reality show star Megan Hauserman to thank her lucky stars.

The body of Jasmine Fiore, a 28-year-old Canadian swimsuit model, was found stuffed inside a discarded suitcase this weekend, (though I have no idea how authorities could tell since Fiore, pictured, appears to be made of plastic). An investigation is ongoing, but among the “persons of interest” with whom the police are interested in speaking is 32-year-old Ryan Alexander Jenkins, a real estate developer and past contestant on VH1 newbie Megan Wants A Millionaire. (And according to TMZ, an eventual participant in I Love Money 3).

Although Ryan has yet to be eliminated from the show, I assume his participation should be referred to in the past tense—police would surely be able to track down someone whose every move was being recorded and broadcast on national television. So assuming Ryan is booted this week, or soon (a shocker, really, I considered him a frontrunner), dear Megan is surely looking back now and wondering just how close she was to inviting a potential serial killer into her home. Well, VH1’s home. And I guess they invited him, she just had to show up with a suitcase full of bikinis.

In any case, if my timing estimates are correct, Ms. Hauserman and her retarded dog are by this point settled on one of the show’s unfortunate bachelors, and most likely somewhere in the hazy timeframe between the season finale, reunion special and point at which they inevitably break up so she can begin production on Season 2. For the rest of us, well now’s the time to think to ourselves two things: First, whether there might be any other hidden criminals in Megan’s midst, and second, how awesome it would have been if she got killed.