Respect Authority

So much television, so little time.

Even though Ricki Lake’s Charm School premiered this week, I’ll wait until the next episode to give my official verdict (spoiler: it’s excellent), in favor of reviewing Bravo’s latest contribution to the great big world of reality TV: The Real Housewives of New Jersey.

As telling as the fact that Bravo picked the country’s armpit for its latest incarnation of the Real Housewives franchise is that the show’s debut episode aired immediately after the first half of a two-hour reunion special for The Real Housewives of New York City. That reunion, a relatively small glimpse into what was actually seven hours worth of filming, amounted to display after display of shameless self-promotion and utter lack of pride. All those pressing questions you thought the housewives would never deign to answer directly to a national audience of millions - they did! In the first hour, the women spoke fairly candidly about every headline they’ve managed to snag since the show wrapped: Kelly got teary-eyed over the “assault” charge that ruined her sterling reputation, The Countess admitted she was dumped via e-mail by her husband of 16 years, Jill said she’s single-handedly keeping the economy together by spending as much on one handbag as the rest of us pay for a car.

In any case, I understand that watching self-important rich women bicker for two hours is not for the casual TV viewer, except in the case of The View. So moving on: The Real Housewives of New Jersey.

Immediately different about this latest bunch is their family ties, which is to say their utter New Jerseyness. Matriarch Caroline leads the crew, with her Sharon Osbourne haircut and no-nonsense attitude. She and her husband together run a ritzy banquet hall, where she employs two of her three children (the third, the “rebel” of the family, is headed for law school). Her younger sister is married to her husband’s younger brother — though only sort of since she openly admits they almost never see each other (he’s also not pictured in her little Bravo family portrait, which is indeed telling). Caroline’s brother is married to real housewife Jacqueline, a Vegas transplant who easily comes across as the most likeable on the show by virtue of not being from Jersey. Jacqueline, in turn, is friends with the only two wives not somehow involved with The Family: Teresa, whose husband owns a construction company that I’m convinced deals drugs on the side; and 45-year-old Danielle, the wild card who’s almost definitely going to run into some trouble this season, whether it’s with the other housewives, the law, or an STD.

What also separates RH NJ from its predecessors is how little audience members are bound to envy these women. Whether or not you’ve ever dreamed of living in LA, the lifestyle of California’s rich and famous is unquestionably glamorous, and being rich in New York City is what I would call “something I will accomplish one day.” Even Atlanta had its own flavor. But no one, and I mean no one, aspires to a pre-fab mansion in the middle of Jersey (gold jewelry, big hair and moronic accent included). Which is exactly what makes the show so great.

There are still some mysteries to be solved, like how much am I going to want to kill all of these women’s children by the end of the season, and is this the first RH incarnation to take “housewives” literally? But the previews promise everything from screaming matches to physical violence - you can be sure no one in this bunch has aspirations of writing a book on class. So trade in your high-rise condos for fancy cars, your pantssuits for stone-washed jeans and the Hamptons for “the shore.” I expect great things.