Respect Authority

Jamal Al-Sparrow in an undated photo.

In our modern world, there are three types of pirates: Disney pirates, everyone who’s ever downloaded anything “illegally”, and Somalians in boats with guns. The latter is generally considered to be more menacing than the first two — but no more?

According to an article from The San Francisco Bay View (hippies), some Somalian pirates are following in the subversive footsteps of all the noble pirates before them — standing up to oppressive imperial navies of the 21st century. Alright, I’ll bite.

If you’re like me, as I suspect you are, Black Hawk Down is your only background source on Somalian affairs. Therefore, it seemed totally logical that the rampant, amphetamine fueled thuggery would eventually spill over into the high seas (or space… I can’t wait for space pirates). But apparently, our assumption is misguided! The failed state of Somalia has been unable to protect its waters from greedy Europeans that have been stealing all their fish and then dumping toxic waste off their shores! Piracy is now the only recourse for Somalians trying to fight back against Imperial powers and eke out a living for their miserable, starving, irradiated population.

Maybe in a hundred years or so, Disney World Dubai will have a Pirates of the Indian Ocean ride and movie franchise with Obama’s great grandson playing the lovable and harmless Somalian pirate — Jamal Al-Sparrow.