Respect Authority

I’ll be the first to admit I do a lot of stupid things when I’m high. Why, just last night I paused reality television to satisfy a sudden and very strong urge to watch at least five YouTube videos of animals doing silly things - like running into walls, or attacking babies. Oh how I laughed, and laughed.

But this is something I’ve never done. A Nebraska man who was trying to calm down his over-hyper cat stuffed the poor thing into a boxlike homemade bong, and proceeded to smoke up with her inside. 

The 20-year-old faces animal cruelty charges, to say nothing of good old fashioned drug charges. Moreover I think someone should consider sending this genius to engineering school, because if this was somehow an effective bong construction, then we all have a thing or two to learn.

The thing is though, and it pains me to say this since nothing would give me greater pleasure than getting my own furry friend high, cats don’t seem particularly fond of weed. It’s sort of like dogs and peanut butter: they’re curious about it, primarily because it makes that significant journey from humans’ hands to their mouths, but when given the opportunity to partake it’s mostly confusion and slight distaste. In fact, when Godzilla - my own cat - is demolishing my expensive Pottery Barn loveseat with his talons, it’s not harsh words or the threat of beatings that deters him, but rather a well-aimed plume of smoke between the eyes. That or a squirt gun. 

So word to the wise. If your cat starts acting up, let him. I personally take great pleasure watching Godzilla tear ass from one of the apartment to the other, or chase imaginary bugs, or entertain himself with a sock full of catnip. In fact, having a cat when you’re a pothead is sort of like a 24-hour America’s Funniest Home Videos, in your own home. A stoned cat, on the other hand, would probably just eat a ton of food, throw it up on your carpet, and then go to sleep.