Respect Authority

Illustrator Christoph Niemann has a blog on the New York Times’ website (don’t we all) called Abstract City, where he, more or less, gets paid to upload his doodles. And frankly, in a culture where people get paid to show up at PR events, where they drink top shelf liquor for free and leave with a gift bag costing in the thousands of dollars range, that’s a pretty fucking terrible job. So kudos, Mr. Niemann, for deigning to press that “scan” button on your Lexmark scanner/copier/printer/espresso machine.

Now, because I’ll be killing Christoph tonight and stealing his job, I thought it’d be a nice tribute to share some of his brilliant New York lego sculptures. Of course, you could also just visit his blog to view them the entire collection, but then what would be the point of stealing content at all?

Despite an egregious omission of a lego junkie taking a midday nap with his head in a trash can, overall these constructions represent the “real” New York much more accurately than any laborious recreation of the skyline, that ultimately, nobody except six-year-olds and really fucking pathetic 35-year-olds (Lego Magazine’s two primary demographics) will appreciate.

The worst part? It probably wasn’t even normal dog shit, it was some genetically enhanced Puggle or Cockerdoodle crap, which is always exponentially more foul because their owners typically feed them diamond necklaces and multimillion-dollar Tribeca lofts.

It’s just a little bit cliché to make a “the most beautiful thing” joke here, so I’ll just reference a hypothetical “the most beautiful thing” joke instead. In reality, plastic bags are destroying our environment and probably kill dolphins too, although I’ll have to check on that. And you know what? A healthy mother earth is really the most beautiful thing of all.

I’m just kidding, of course. Obviously money is.

What better way to top it off than with a dollop of low fat whipped cream and a drizzle of totally fucking fat caramel goo? After all, it just wouldn’t be New York without Starbucks. …Like, literally. I think they own about 85% of the real estate there now.