Respect Authority

Thanks to the Nintendo Wii, children no longer need to go outside in order to play sports or senselessly beat on giant cartoon gorillas. They can now do it from the comfort of the couch. And as the years pass, technology will continue to provide us with wonderful new reasons to stay inside, overstimulated eyes fixed to a screen while the muscles in our limbs atrophy (except, of course, those needed to click a remote or dig around in the bag of Cheetos). Obviously, a necessary step on the part of the machines in order to better rise up against and enslave their human masters.

However, with a newly sprained ankle and that little fucker Punxsutawney Phil using his evil groundhog magic to make another six weeks of winter, I have to admit Touchgrind for the iPhone looks pretty fucking awesome, even though every fiber of my being is begging me to realize it was made by dorks for dorks. Nonetheless, while playing with Tech Decks at 23 is about as respectable as eating one’s boogers, this, on the other hand, is probably my newest excuse to never read a book on the subway again. And think about how cool I’ll look doing it!

Plus, the commercial’s soundtrack is sooo awesome, that’s like, totally what I listen to when I skate. Rock music, yeah!! Drugs!!!