Respect Authority

So. Let’s talk about new beginnings. Barack Hussein Obama walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks, “Where did you get that from?” And the parrot says, “Argh, the Middle East, there’s a whole bunch of Muslims down there!”

This Tuesday is kind of a big deal… to say the least. Although, admittedly, less of a big deal than that Tuesday in November, this one is more symbolic in its importance. It is the last day George W. Bush will be President. Really just try to wrap your mind around that. I was fucking fifteen years old when he was elected — I am a different person today than I was all those years ago, and yet George W. Bush was there the whole time. If America didn’t have such an infuriating bastard of a president through my “rebellious” years, would still I be the same bitter, whining pothead I am today? …Probably, but… whatever.

For fucking eight years we’ve all walked past the shoddy “Not MY President” t-shirts, heard countless jokes about the man’s stupidity, saw numerous documentaries about his administration’s handling of 9/11, blah blah blah. He was our Stalin, our Mussolini. And I guess in those terms, it really wasn’t all that bad and I guess America is a pretty okay place to live after all.

Nonetheless, on the eve of the eve of Obama’s inauguration, as a country we cannot help but look forward. Regardless of how Obama’s presidency goes, this moment still marks the beginning of a new era. Nearly a decade has passed with George W. Bush in office — his reign defined a generation. We are now walking out from under the shadow of his presidency, but I don’t feel relieved just yet. It was such a familiar thing, it’s almost hard to imagine an America where everyone (rational) doesn’t hate the president.

“Change” was a big word this past election, if I recall correctly. And I hope this Tuesday brings more than just a ceremonial changing of the guard. Living in America comes with many perks, but all the same, we are watching the idyllic, pristine Christian utopia as it turns into something much darker. Ours is the time period that takes place right before your typical post-apocalyptic, dystopian sci-fi thriller opens. Which is kind of badass, but in reality, pretty much sucks ass.

Indeed, the similarities between the current age and the more cynical visions of the future make this inauguration that much more perilous. Today, the USA incarcerates more of its population than any other country in the world, with 715 out of every 100,000 people in jail. This is such a gross problem in the country once heralded as the “Land of the Free” that it’s hard even for me not to feel good and riled up with a corny patriotic spirit against the existing situation.

And of course, there’s that whole War in Iraq thing, a failing economy, tensions peaking in Gaza (again), horrific environmental issues, Iran having nuclear missiles and shit, you know, basically just a whole bunch of reasons to logically assume doomsday is at our doorstep. Barack Obama could be a great president, but aliens also could still suddenly decide to invade and destroy every major city in the entire world (see Independence Day for more information). And I suppose that’s really the scariest part.