Respect Authority

It looks like Britney Spears is at it again.

After a rough couple of years that included public meltdowns, custody battles, and numerous supposed comebacks, Spears finds herself once again in another massive controversy.  Amidst her current and so far disaster-free comeback, a new group is speaking out against some of the recent choices made by the once half-girl-almost-woman pop hybrid.  In the past, Spears has dealt with the wrath of the Barbers’ Union (for self-shearing inside an active barber shop without union approval), Travelers Insurance (for her unfortunate portrayal of their corporate logo), and the Sea Shepherds (who have questioned her Samurai Spirit on many occasions).

Now, surprisingly, a Mid-Atlantic chapter of the Society for the Survival of Suffering Stutterers (Suh-Sur-Suff-Stuh for short) in Plainsboro Township, NJ, has spoken out against the pop star and her hit single, Womanizer. In a statement they started writing in mid-October but only just finished and released this morning, regional spokesperson and local Spanish Club Vice-President, Kyle Filiwitz said the following:

Let’s get down and dirty, shall we, with this thing I’ll call our statement.

As the region . . . as the region . . . reeg . . . local repre-representative of the, the Soci . . . Society , , , Soci . . . that is to say, this group, I am saddened by Ms. S-S-S-Spears’ latest song, Womanizer, uh, Womanizer.  Stut-Stutterers have a hard life, that is to say, a life that’s . . . well, it’s hard.  Many of us can . . . can only, only - we struggle each day, each and every . . . day to speak our m-minds, to speak . . . to communicate.  As a mother of two, two kids, two, Ms. Sp-Sp . . . Britney should be more consid . . . should be . . . more . . . shouldn’t - should be m-more aware of who she may be offending and set a better, better, well, set an example - a better one, that is.

We are aware, that is to say we know of, of all of, of . . . of her recent iss . . . issues . . . problems that she had, but w-with this song, Ms. Spears, Britney, you show the world, the worl - everyone actually - ju-just what you ah-ah-are, and we don’t, we do not . . . apprec . . . app - we don’t like it.  At all.  Not at all. 

Many of us have to whisper, or . . . or speak with accents and j-join language clubs, or sing-talk, well not exactly sing, but . . . but not exactly talk either, just to deal.  The last “artist” to anger us, to anger, to make us this upset, that is . . . was Joe with his song “Stutter” and his equal-equally offensive video.  You haven’t heard from him since, have you?  No one can acc . . . account for his whereabouts in the last eight - the last eight - well, a long time year-wise, and you can thank us.

So, please apolo . . . apologi . . say you’re sorry and maybe, possibly, that is to say, join up with Subway and their fight - their cause to combat our problem and f-fund our Society with, by donating, half of the proceeds from the Five - Five Dollar - Five Dollar Footlongs . . . to help us, and show that you care, that you care, Britney.  It’s c-c-catching on!  Only then will, well then is when we, well . . . we’ll forgive you.

Thanks, though, for not using . . . not using an auto-tuner.

One can only hope Britney Spears can see the error of her ways and use her song as a rallying cry to help stutterers instead of unfairly insulting them whether it was intentional or not.  By turning this latest crisis on its head and using it for good (much like how white people call themselves “crackas” to help fight their history of oppression), she can show her growth and set an example for her re-discovered fanbase.  Only time will tell.

As of the writing of this post, Britney Spears has yet to respond, though to be fair, since she can’t read, that could be a problem.  Actually, she should figure out that whole situation before she worries about stutterers.  Oh well.