Respect Authority

As 2008 draws to a close, more and more attention seems to be getting paid to Time Magazine’s “Man of the Year” award. Oh who ever will it be? Will be be a) Obama, or b) someone other than Obama? As we wait with baited breath, let’s step back for a minute and ask ourselves why on earth we give a damn about this arbitrary title from one of print journalism’s most rapidly declining publications.

Remember now, Time used to be a well respected news magazine. They didn’t always pick the fan favorites, giving the now coveted title to Adolf Hitler in 1938, and twice to Joseph Stalin (1939 & 1942). Even as recently as 1996, the prize was awarded to people outside of the public realm such as Dr. David Ho, a pioneer in AIDS research, even acknowledging that “Ho is not, to be sure, a household name. But some people make headlines while others make history” (Ho is not a household name, LOLZ… but I digress). Then… they kind of gave up. “The Whistleblowers,” “The American Solider,” “Bill and Melinda Gates, and Bono”? Time, that is not only grammatically incorrect, it is more than one singular person. Stop rewriting the rules to your own goddamned contest. And then who can forget the epic blunder of 2006. “You,” where they put a computer with a reflective panel on the cover, for people to look at on magazine racks and shout “OH MY GOD, IT’S ME!” That’s about when I stopped reading Time for good.

But there’s something interesting about the race this year. Sure, all signs point to Barack Obama (on Time’s website under “Cons” they include “Hasn’t cured cancer, nor won the world series.” They don’t bring the news anymore, but they sure can still bring the funny! Am I right or am I right?), but maybe that’s just too obvious. And wasn’t the real thrill of the 2008 election that we did it, that it was our hope that brought the Obamas to the White House? And we’ve already been the Man of the Year, so that’s out.

Time’s website includes a list of potential candidates such as T. Boone Pickens (I do love his commercials during The Hills), Michael Phelps (NO! No, no, no, no, no.), Sarah Palin (SNOOZE), Tina Fey (for… impersonating Sarah Palin?) and Damien Hirst (OK, now they’re just fucking with us). They also throw in Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Robert Mugabe but seriously, in 2008 the American public does not want a villain being called “Man of the Year.” Man of the Year is a heartwarming comedy with Robin Williams, a Lil’ Wayne song, and once in 2006, every man, woman and child in the United States (no, I’m not letting that go), it can’t be a bad guy!

Let me make it clear: it should be Barack Obama. Obvi. But I understand the inclination to choose an alternate candidate. So let me put forth a suggestion (I’m sure the big shots at Time are reading this blog, it’s not like they’re busy taking in new subscriptions or selling magazines — OH SNAP!): Stu Rasmussen, Mayor of Silverton, Oregon.

Stu is America’s first transgendered mayor. Before you discount this as bullshit, allow me to make my case. No, being the first at something does not automatically make you a hero, or a great person (see: Michael Phelps, Sarah Palin), that just means you can beat the odds. Which in itself, is a cool thing, but it ends there. But Stu’s website doesn’t discuss the fact that he (from all accounts I can find, he still goes by “he”) transformed his gender from male to female, after already having served as mayor of Silverton from 1988 to 1992; he talks about what he wants to do for the small town that means so much to him. And the people of Silverton love him. I love him. You should love him after watching this clip.

“Some guys mid-life crises include sports cars, motorcycles, climbing mountains or trophy wives or whatever, I always wanted cleavage. So I went out and acquired some.” In a politically progressive, but relatively socially repressive year, Stu Rasmussen as Man of the Year would be a refreshing choice for someone who has made history instead of making headlines.