Respect Authority

Here’s a cheery story to warm your frozen hearts this Christmas Eve. A Saudi court has rejected a plea to annul an 8-year-old girl’s arranged marriage to a 58-year-old man, because, after all, raping children is okay as long as the girl’s father got paid!

I know what has to be done about this atrocity — obviously, invade Iraq!

The court’s official reason for the decision is that the case should wait until the girl reaches puberty, since, after all, by age 11 I’m sure she’ll have come to her senses. No word on why you can’t get a divorce before you hit puberty while you can get married. But I guess you don’t need logic when you’ve got all the oil!

The girl’s father made a cool eight grand from the deal, which includes a verbal agreement that the marriage won’t be consummated until she’s 18. Sounds like an ironclad contract if you ask me. Apparently, the father was having financial problems and needed some extra cash. Travel Tip: always good to have some kids hanging around when you’re in a pinch in the Middle East!

Although, let’s go easy on the Saudis here — they’re our allies in the Middle East! Plus, they’re lucky to not have leftist nutjobs spreading their damned Will & Grace agenda, trying to redefine marriage and turn the youth of the nation into limp-wristed, lisping fairy-boys, right? America should be thanking them for showing us what traditional marriage really looks like.

Merry Consumerism’s Superbowl everyone, the world is a sty.