Respect Authority

Some people create Flickr accounts… but me? I just clutter up this website, instead.

Having windows placed strategically throughout my apartment in order to allow me to spy on two separate alleyways sounds like a nice perk in the Craigslist ad, but in reality, provides me little entertainment aside from counting the number of bums who rifle through the dumpsters every day. For the record, 6 to 10. What can I say? Allowing pets may be a clincher for some, but personally, I’m not paying any application fee until I see the magical words, voyeurism is OK — *creep creep*

Despite the high level of dumpster diving traffic, there aren’t nearly as many nomadic urinators as I might have expected, especially considering New York City’s substantial lack of alleyways often makes covert peeing far more difficult than it should be. One would assume Chicago’s plentiful rape conduits would run warm with the pee of an entire city. Unfortunately, this is not the case.

Where do the bumbling drunks of the Windy City pour one out for their homies? In their pants, perhaps… given the unforgiving temperatures of late, it would be easily defensible as a survival technique even if the truth is you just happen to like how it feels dribbling down your leg. Everybody’s got their thing, man.

Due to the relative lack of fascinating people watching I can conduct from my 6th floor headquarters, and the near constant rain and snow of the past week making outdoor photography considerably less attractive of an activity, I’ve been forced to turn inward, carefully shooting around all the awesome celebrities and rich people that are always hanging out at my apartment.

And make sure to tune in next week when I start scanning in pages of my 5th grade diary!