Respect Authority

What the fuck is this and when did it happen?

I thought we as young people had made it abundantly obvious that, while we are many things: needy, lazy, technologically proficient, one thing we are not is brand loyal. If you change things up on us, we are apt to change things up on you, which is to say we’ll probably buy something else. But one thing those of us who grew up in front of the idiot box have come to appreciate is packaging, whether physical, visual or auditory. We know commercial jingles by heart and we could spot a box of Tide laundry detergent from a mile away. We like the familiar. Truth be told, I have more than a few friends who buy brand-name products simply for the brand name and the security it provides. And I won’t lie — even though I’ve long since given in to logic and started buying generic goods (Rite Aid ibuprofen, Krasdale cat food), I always suffer a little pang of regret for letting companies like Advil and Friskies down. 

Given all of this, it surprises me the rampant redesigning going on in the world of snack food and drink, which may very well be the last bastion of brand loyalty left for consumers these days. I may be willing to buy generic and save $4 on my bottle of aspirin, but I do not compromise on things like chips, cookies, candy and soda. That shit has to be authentic. 

So what the fuck is Sunkist doing? The traditional Sunkust logo is a stalwart in the convenience store soda selection. I look for it! I DRINK IT! This new bohemian, hippy-dippy, “orange soda is for lovers” look isn’t my style, and I just don’t appreciate it. 

All I can say is that companies like Sunkist, Doritos and McDonald’s better thank their lucky stars I’m a big fan of the Mary Jane, which keeps me munching long after my principles would have had me reaching for the off-brand sugar wafers.