Respect Authority

No less than two weeks after I wrote about Eurythmics’ plague-like “Sweet Dreams,” does it become clear that the song isn’t necessarily as much of an Everlasting Gobstopper of a Golden Ticket as I may have thought. Ever the stronghold of objective news coverage, The New York Post reports that forgettable Annie Lennox sidekick Dave Stewart has resorted to hawking vibrators in the twilight of his career. You know, some washed up celebrities just go on The Surreal Life.

Reportedly, the Eurythmics’ co-founder has teamed up with sex-toy maker Jimmyjane to produce a branded vibrator. Considering one of Stewart’s branded dildos is going to run an obnoxious $195, I think he’ll probably be one of its few customers. Naturally, Stewart will also be writing the vibrator’s jingle, “Let’s Do It Again,” with that title also being inscribed on the line of chrome popsicles. The song will be available on Jimmyjane’s website on November 18th, and literally no one will download it.

In any case, the pathetic attempt to remain relevant certainly redefines the idea of a musician having a solo side-project. Next time, keep your sweet dreams to yourself, Dave.

The thing is, vibrators are one of those products that kind of sell themselves. You’re either in the market for one, or you’re not. Certainly, no catchy Euro-pop single is going to convince you that you need one; in fact, I believe Merriam-Webster describes Euro-pop as “noun: a turn-off.” Additionally, people hardly need to be reminded to have sex with phrases like “Let’s Do It Again” etched into their dildos, because sex is a natural impulse and they were probably going to do it again, with or without Dave Stewart’s creepy insistence. Personally, I find sweet dreams are made out of me not imagining a sweaty, middle-aged British guy with a mangy beard lying next to me and whispering in my ear, “Let’s do it again, Aaron.”

[NY Post]