Respect Authority

Can’t quite manage to put a number on how alienated you’re feeling from society and those with political and economic power these days? I’ve typically been measuring it by how many times per day I cry when a non-playable character talks to me in a video game, but apparently, there is a more precise measurement that involves substantially less weeping. The only problem is… I’ve forgotten how to stop.

Since 1966, The Harris Poll has been doing it a bit more scientifically through its Alienation Index, which up until now, I had always assumed was the name of fucking awesome ride at Six Flags. Turns out, the ride I was thinking of is actually called Marvin The Martian’s Earthbound Journey, and I’m unfortunately not allowed to ride it anymore because I’m taller than 54 inches. The gestapo over at Six Flags calls it a “safety issue.” Funny, I call it prejudice.

The Index gets higher as more people feel alienated, and as such, is one measure of how well a democracy is functioning. Clearly, a nation by the people, for the people, should probably include the people. The Harris Poll just released this year’s Index, revealing that more Americans feel alienated now than at any time since 1996, when multiple Academy Award winner Mars Attacks was originally released in theaters.

The Alienation Index has increased to 58 from 56 last year, although after eight years of Bush antics (what some refer to as “lying to the American public” and “war profiteering”) the number is still substantially lower than it was in 1995, during Clinton’s first term. At this time, the Index reached 67, probably because while the former President never inhaled… pretty much everybody else did.

Immediately after September 11th, the Alienation Index plummeted to 47, its lowest point in almost 30 years. This strikes me as ironic considering the overwhelming percentage of Americans were not in New York when Karl Rove’s political Super Bowl occurred, yet it makes sense anyway because, duh, 9/11 solved all of our problems! Fuck, China’s Alienation From The United States Index probably went down too, considering all the fucking American flag stickers they sold as a result of our nation’s greatest excuse to kill everyone who isn’t like us tragedy.

Here are some other uplifting results from this year’s Alienation Index:

• 71% of adults feel “the rich get richer and the poor get poorer”
• 62% of adults feel “the people running the country don’t really care what happens to you”
• 59% feel that “most people with power try to take advantage of people like yourself”
• 57% feel that “what you think doesn’t count very much anymore”
• 41% feel “you are left out of things going on around you.”

And 100% of the above respondents were completely correct! So as much as it may suck to be alienated from the policy makers and other assorted bigwigs on Capitol Hill, at the very least, doesn’t it feel pretty fucking great to be right? No? Well… 98% of me doesn’t give a shit. The other 2%? Somewhat hungry.

[Business Wire]