Respect Authority

Zero Tolerance is a weekly feature, appearing on Saturdays, that briefly covers some unacceptable offense from the prior week. This is far from a hard science, in fact, it’s entirely likely that it’s not even fact based — indeed, this is pure opinionated ranting because it’s my website and I can cry if I want to. — RA

It’s quite difficult, perhaps bordering on impossible, to get mad when you’ve just smoked a quantity of fucking incredible marijuana. Or so I’ve heard. I’m a career-whiner, as I’m sure any regular reader of RA can tell by now; indeed, there is a piece of my brain missing, and that piece would allow me to see good things. And I don’t know where it is, but I would really like it back. That said, I can’t remember anything that was possibly bothering me just five minutes ago. Some people say that marijuana can make you feel like this, but personally I cannot verify any such statements. Alls I know is, the sky is bluer than it ever has been, my skull has pins and needles, and I would really like a Snickers bar.

So I am presented with a quandary, a quagmire of sorts. This column is supposed to be about something outrageous, yet I am currently biologically incapable of being outraged. Actually, you know what I’m pissed about? I’m pissed there isn’t a Taco Bell Express operating in my hall closet. I’ve let this go on for too long, and it’s just unacceptable.

Here’s something outrageous. Skateboarding sneaker company Lakai has the audacity to first, put out one of the finest (and easily the most artful) skateboarding videos ever, and then, to my horror, re-release it a year later with tons of extra awesome shit that I simply must see. Oh consumerism, how you’ve foiled me yet again.

Clearly, the only thing not included in the box set is a vile of magical tears from the last living unicorn, which is, admittedly, disappointing, but I’ll move on… someday. The Final Flare will be in stores in the first week of December, but it’s being produced in strictly limited numbers. So if you want to throw some more money down the skateboarding money machine’s gaping maw, make sure to head over to your local skateshop — that’s right, interact with people… could they possibly make this any more of a fucking quest — and pre-order a copy. Once they’re gone, they’re gone, and by that I mean selling for twice as much on eBay.

Additionally, Patrick O’Dell’s epicly later’d is currently doing its own behind-the-scenes miniseries on the making of Fully Flared. There are four episodes up so far, so get to vegetating. Hey, it beats watching Superbad for the fafillionth time.

Okay, snack time.