Respect Authority

Listen, you skiing motherfuckers. We get it. You ski - a lot. You “hit the slopes” or “fight the black diamonds” or whatever the fuck it is you kids are calling it these days. It’s abundantly clear that you spend a lot of time with poles, and snow, and the reason it’s so clear is your unyielding refusal to take those damn lift passes off your winter coat.

Was this just a suburban thing? Or was everyone at one point or another surrounded by douchebags who felt compelled to leave upwards of five lift passes from various ski resorts on their brightly colored and overly zippered winter jackets? Did everyone else feel athletically deficient or morbidly incompetent as they pictured their peers and friends zig-zagging down monstrous hills while they went for a 22nd try on the bunny slopes? Did anyone else want to jab a ski pole into the eye of kids who seriously thought it was cool to have seven crinkled stickers hanging off of their coat well into spring? No, just me? Okay then.

In all seriousness, I saw a teenager on the subway the other day with this nostalgic multitude of ski slope accoutrement attached to his red North Face coat, and I was immediately overcome with a very nostalgic urge to punch him in the face. Go back to your ski lift, toolbox, in New York we ride the subway.