Respect Authority

On July 28, I watched in half-awe, half-disgust the developing story of a man killed on the Bronx’s Major Deegan Expressway after he was “hit with several cars.” Headlines for the story were along the lines of “Man hit, killed by several cars” so it was, to be fair, a pretty easy one to follow. (UnFun Fact: Only one of the cars stopped.) 

In Round 2 of “Killer Kars” (because alliteration always sells), on Wednesday a handcuffed man on the Metro-North railroad track was hit by not one, but two trains. According to reports, “his mangled body lay for hours beneath the second [train]” (Since when does Bret Easton Ellis write local news?)

But unlike the Major Deegan casualty, this particular death-by-wheeled-object is rife with mystery. First, police don’t yet know if the man was killed by the trains, or if he was dead before he was hit. They’re considering both suicide and homicide though certainly relevant to their investigation has to be the fact that he was “shackled with metal handcuffs.”

Other case details: “The man, apparently lifeless, was spotted at 6:50 a.m. on the northbound tracks by the crew of the second train, which had no passengers. [Spokespeople] said the train did not have time to stop before five cars ran over the body.” (By the by, the first train’s crew never even caught on that they’d just, you know, run over someone).

I think it’s pretty clear this will be a Law & Order episode in about two weeks, so I’d like to put my opinion out there early. It was Mr. Plum, in the library, with the kitchen knife.

Tune back in next month for “Bound and Gagged Man Run Over By Four Airplanes.”

[1010 Wins]