Respect Authority

Thanks to money sluts Evian and Jean Paul Gaultier, water just unlocked the super secret boss level of absurdity. In this day of relentless collaborations in fashion, it hardly comes as a surprise that we’d start seeing high-end collaborations in bottled water. Personally, I’m holding out for Louis Vuitton toilet paper, because my doodoo deserves only the finest in Italian dookie rags. I feel more like a disappointed parent than anything; because if I was this project’s parent I’d be disappointed that my child is a retarded fucking idea, not to mention morally reprehensible to every fiber of my being.

SLAMXHYPE writes that “Jean Paul Gaultier reminds us that pure water is rare… and precious.” Yes, rare enough that it covers 70% of the planet, accounting for some 326 million trillion gallons. Look, I love a cold glass of water as much as every other instance of life on earth does, not to mention, without ice what would we use to chill the bongs of the world? Surely not my Jean Paul Gaultier diamond pinky rings. But let’s not make water in general out to be a rare thing when technically… it’s one of the least rare things on the planet.

If Jean Paul Gaultier is reminding us of anything with this project, it’s that there is truly no ceiling to the insane heights of greed the fashion and beverage… well, actually, basically all industries are capable of. So I guess what I’m getting at is… turns out people are pretty greedy! Well thanks for telling me, guys! Some friends you are.

Reportedly, the designer used materials that allowed only the crystal-clear brilliance of water to shine through. Ten out of ten scientists call this magical material glass. Apparently it’s going to be all the rage in a couple years.

Sorry Jean Paul, but I’m not going for it. See, I’m a man, and men are legally required to drink only beer until we’re 45, at which point bourbon or whiskey are also acceptable choices. So no matter how much you dress up your “rare and precious” water, the fact of the matter is, it’s the same shit in the 99 cent bottle of Poland Spring and, well… it’s not a Jean Paul Gaultier and Natural Ice collaboration, and no matter how many of these drink, I won’t feel more confident, fun or likable because everybody knows, only alcohol can do that.

[SLAMXHYPE]