Respect Authority

"This wouldn't happen in Real America"

A white woman was robbed at an ATM in Pittsburg yesterday. Who cares, you ask? John McCain, that’s who.

Ashley Todd, a McCain campaign volunteer from Texas, was taking $60 out of an ATM in Bloomsfield when a tall dark assailant jumped her. He apparently noticed her McCain bumper sticker and carved the letter “B” into her face in a fit of political rage.

In the spirit of complete media lunacy, both campaigns have released statements proving that nothing, and I mean nothing, happens in a political vacuum.

It remains to be seen if America will judge this historic event as another random crime or a dramatic allegory for Obama’s robbing and mutilating of innocent America.

UPDATE: Bitch lied — thanks, John Q!

[WTAE TV]